Never have a dog. Let's not beat around the bush here: dogs are morons. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dogs love to go for rides. A dog will happily get into any vehicle going anywhere. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can say any fool thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, 'My God, you're… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Unlike cats dogs never scratch you when you wash them. They just become very sad and try to figure out what they… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Dogs would make totally incompetent criminals. If you could somehow get a group of dogs to understand the concept of the Kennedy… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
When I say "dogs", I'm talking about dogs, which are large, bounding, salivating animals, usually with bad breath. I am not talking… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
We have always had dogs, and they have faithfully performed many valuable services for us, such as: 1. Peeing on everything. 2.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
