Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor's garden tiller. If your neighbor does… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Mousse was a Labrador retriever, which is a large enthusiastic bulletproof species of dog made entirely from synthetic materials. This is the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In the words of a very famous dead person, 'A nation that does not know its history is doomed to do poorly… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Lobsters displays all three of the classic biological characteristics of an insect, namely: 1. It has way more legs than necessary. 2.… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Let's talk about how to fill out your 1984 tax return. Here's an often overlooked accounting technique that can save you thousands… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Today's scientific question is: What in the world is electricity? And where does it go after it leaves the toaster? — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
It is inhumane, in my opinion, to force people who have a genuine medical need for coffee to wait in line behind… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I bought Windows 2.0, Windows 3.0, Windows 3.1415926, Windows 95, Windows 98, Windows ME, Windows RSVP, The Best of Windows, Windows Strikes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The best way to understand this whole issue is to look at what the government does: it takes money from some people,… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Take the folks at Coca-Cola. For many years, they were content to sit back and make the same old carbonated beverage. It… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although it was constructed in 1536, the New York subway system boasts an annual maintenance budget of nearly $8, currently stolen, and… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Crabgrass can grow on bowling balls in airless rooms, and there is no known way to kill it that does not involve… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
In foreign countries such as Italy, the government puts strict-looking speed limit signs everywhere, but nobody ever sees them because light does… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Leonard Aster thanked Fighting Prawn and the Mollusk tribe for their hospitality. “You mean,” said Fighting Prawn, “for not killing you?” “Yes,”… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
2. The instant the doors open, you want to push forward as hard as possible, in an effort to get onto the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
But that's kind of an easy stance to be if you're a humor columnist, because you're tending to make fun of the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Professional marriage counselors agree that the most productive and mature way to deal with marital anger is to stomp dramatically from the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
You can be the smartest person in the world - which Bill Clinton is, and if he's not, his wife is -… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
I've been checking with people back in South Florida to see if Hurricane Dennis is going to whack my house, and the… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Here's a simple experiment that you might want to try if there is absolutely nothing else going on in your life. All… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This is true; virtually all edible substances, and many automotive products, are now marketed as being low-fat or fat-free. Americans are obsessed with fat… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
This ball was so crowded that it took me - a trained professional journalist with vast experience in this area - forty five minutes… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The hardest thing about being a guy is that women don't accept that you really are just a simple, pathetic, labrador retriever-like creature. That… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it's open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Entire new continent can emerge from the ocean in the time it takes for a Web page to show up on your screen. Contrary… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
If you look at any list of great modern writers such as Ernest Hemingway, William Faulkner, and F. Scott Fitzgerald, you'll notice two things… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
“Despite the gulf, physical and cultural, between the United States and Japan, both societies are, in the end, made up of people, and people… — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
Before going on a diet you should consult your doctor, or at least send him some money. — Dave Barry Copy Share Image
