I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“I watched 60 Minutes...and they showed this woman, she's in every kind of..thing like that. 'This woman', they say, 'she lost her… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Babies are like poems. They're beautiful to their creator, but to other people, they're silly and they're irritating. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Comedy can always be taken the wrong way. If I do a bit that is meant to diffuse racism or sexism, Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
“Artist communities love to bullshit each other and glad-hand one another, and there's no room for the crippling honesty of comedy. "I'm… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Unfortunately this is where comedy works, where people are the most miserable. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The Internet has done nothing but good for comedy all around. Comedians no longer have to rely on TV execs and club… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
That place is so behind the times, you can't even get AIDS there yet. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Sex is a very narrow avenue. You only have so many holes and parts, and eventually, you run out of things to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Nothing against comedy clubs, they work. But when you're sitting with a tablecloth and a candle and an appetizer menu, three-drink minimum,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's a fraudulent root element of comedy in that we say things night after night as though they are rolling effortlessly from… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Comedy is like music; it builds on itself. Once someone comes up with a theory or a different way of doing things,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
My mother was always the one with the dark, really filthy sense of humor. She was a vulgar woman. She used to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image