The fact is that really no comedian sets out to offend you. Some comics enjoy the challenge of taking a subject that… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Mutations are exciting. They try to fix 'em when they come out. Did you see the two-headed baby they killed last month… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I don't ever want to become Bill Maher where I have to find some strong opinion on something just because it's in… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If you tell me you are going to kill yourself, I'm not going to try to talk you out of it. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Paralympics... fascinating because just watching anyone with a major disability trying to do everyday chores is fun to watch. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Every 17 seconds a child dies on this planet from no clean drinking water. Good. Let's try to speed it up... there… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I've jammed enough things up my own ass just trying to come on any amphetamine based narcotic. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
he ones that bother me the most are the media saying, "He's like the next Bill Hicks." It's supposed to be complimentary,… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Your sins are what make you fantastic. It's what makes you alive. You should wear your sins on your sleeve. You should… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You want to help mother Earth? Try sodomy. Sodomy is eco-friendly, and abortion is green. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People talk to you and they try to convince you that they like what they do just because it sucks less than… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
![“The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to…” quote by Doug Stanhope](https://sms4smile.com/quotes/img-quotes/34c/doug-stanhope-1528_acting_the-whole-acting-and-hollywood-thing-it_124805.jpg)
