I'm not a marijuana user, so I always feel kind of fraudulent. I applaud this, I do recreational drugs, but marijuana's never… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
All illegal narcotics are medicinal. Boredom is a disease worse than cancer. Drugs cure it, with little or no side effects if… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's only two types of people who are against drugs: the people who have never done drugs and the people who really… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's a lot of meth [in Bisbee]. So there's an ex-cop-car Tahoe and a BE DRUG FREE van parked right in front… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I've been doing a lot of drugs in the last few weeks and drinking less, and I feel much better. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If you have a good product. You don't need to advertise. You've done drugs? Did you ever see them advertised? — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People always try to palm me weed when I'm always talking about how I don't smoke weed. But they always try to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They never differentiate between drug users and drug addicts... I've done most drugs there are socially, I never had a problem. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
If I say f*** the government, some will clap because they agree and some will clap just because you said f***. I've… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Invent new drugs, that's what you should be doing... fight to get new weirder ones... and weirder establishments to do them in. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I had no musical or athletic ability, and I wasn't particularly good looking. Comedy was something I could do for attention. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Jesus died for your sins. I'm doing it for your mere entertainment dollar. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
I believe that everyone should be treated as an individual. Women should be treated equally in the right to vote, sure. But if Im… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
They say 'life is precious'. To who? To you, when you're young and you've got a few dollars in your pocket. Tell that to… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The ultimate act of cowardice is the fat-headed wrestling guy sitting behind the frail kid in math class, clipping him on the ear, saying:… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
There's no such thing as addiction, there's only things that you enjoy doing more than life. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
The whole acting and Hollywood [thing], it's just work to me. Stand-up comedy ruins you so badly for doing television. I don't really need… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
You should laugh everywhere you can find even the slightest glimmer of humour. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Everybody's angry. They've got nothing to be angry at, so they're angry about nothing. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
People who want to kill other people are the last people I want to party with, because I get mouthy when I drink. — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Democracy is the worst kind of government, I'm sorry. Would you still call yourself a Christian if they elected a new Jesus every four… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image