On July 4 we celebrate government of the people, by the people, and for the people, or as they are now called, corporations. — Andy Borowitz Copy Share Image
Outsiders develop humor as a defense; why do you think most comedians are gay or Jewish? — Paul Lynde Copy Share Image
When a man carries a gun all the time, the respect he thinks he's getting might really be fear. So I don't… — Andy Griffith Copy Share Image
I always wanted to be a comedian, even when I was a little kid. I had a funny father who was in… — Bill Maher Copy Share Image
I don't claim to have all the answers; after all, I'm just a comedian who reads a lot. — Adam Conover Copy Share Image
I think comedy is difficult, and I'm amazed so many people want to do it. I'll be buying jeans and somebody will… — Billy Connolly Copy Share Image
The real focus at first is to just become a good stand-up comedian, and then when you get to a certain level,… — Jon Stewart Copy Share Image
I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Honestly, it's hard to learn about comedy from comedians. Comedy is not something that you necessarily learn or can imitate. You're funny… — Jane Levy Copy Share Image
A stand-up comedian faces the audiences and gets their immediate feedback. I hide behind the comic strip, and unless people write to… — Stephan Pastis Copy Share Image
I had a moment where I was onstage once... As a comedian, you just think, 'Be funny as possible all the time… — Whitney Cummings Copy Share Image
If I ever interview somebody, I make sure I listen to them. As a comedian, I've gone on so many shows, I've… — Tom Green Copy Share Image
I'm not a comedian. I'm not a show host. I'm a musician. That's why I've turned down offers to host the Grammy… — Michael Jackson Copy Share Image
Age, style, where you come from, where you were born, it's different every time, which, to me, is refreshing because it says… — Alan King Copy Share Image
I was doing a lot of drama until I took the comedy role in the series 'Car 54, Where Are You?,' and… — Charlotte Rae Copy Share Image
I was terrified when my doctor told me that I had a unique and interesting personality trait, but then he told me… — Doug Stanhope Copy Share Image
Chihuahua. There's a waste of dog food. Looks like a dog that is still far away. — Billiam Coronel Copy Share Image
Genuinely love doing standup and I'm a comedian first, so for me what makes my standup special is the fact that I… — Kevin Hart Copy Share Image
Standup comedians are attracted to one another because of their faults. So we're all kind of messed up in the same way,… — Chris Rock Copy Share Image
What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes. — Carlos Mencia Copy Share Image
It seems that a lot of people, who haven't known of me as a pianist, think I've just started off as a… — Dudley Moore Copy Share Image
Las Vegas has become a child's picture-book dream of a city -- here a storybook castle, there a sphinx-flanked black pyramid beaming… — Neil Gaiman Copy Share Image
Some guys said 'Here's bop!' Wham! They said, 'Here's something we can make money on!' Wham! 'Here's a comedian!' Wham! Here's a… — Charlie Parker Copy Share Image
It used to be trained professionals doing animation and they were great. Now they have celebrities and famous actors doing the voices,… — John Leguizamo Copy Share Image
