Cynthia Heimel

Swingers are all from the suburbs and consequently brain-addled by car pools, shopping malls, and welcome wagons.

— Cynthia Heimel

Throughout their lives, women try to pummel their bodies into some phantom ideal shape that exists only with a lot of airbrushing.…

— Cynthia Heimel

Here is Heimel's Law: Anything you fantasize about won't come true. So just cut it out.

— Cynthia Heimel

We have no faith in ourselves. I have never met a woman who, deep down in her core, really believes she has…

— Cynthia Heimel

The buying of a self-help book is the most desperate of all human acts. It means you've lost your mind completely: You've…

— Cynthia Heimel

“Prune these alleged friends ruthlessly from your life. You need all the positive reinforcement you can get. You need friends who think…

— Cynthia Heimel

There is one thing that humans strive for with every cell, every gene, every nerve fiber of our beings. ... More than…

— Cynthia Heimel

Possessions, for the terminally frightened, bring peace of mind.

— Cynthia Heimel

[On peanut M&Ms:] It is the eggness of them. A shell, chocolate placenta, proteiny peanut baby. Life shape, birth shape, cell shape,…

— Cynthia Heimel

Men, being conditioned badly, are always feeling nooses closing around their necks, even dumpy boors no girl would take on a bet.

— Cynthia Heimel

When in doubt, make a fool of yourself. There is a microscopically thin line between being brilliantly creative and acting like the…

— Cynthia Heimel

In Manhattan, marriage is a trend. Couples kiss over their arugula and radicchio salads. They fondle each other's genitals while devouring their…

— Cynthia Heimel

The moment you decide that you're a grownup now, and therefore must put away foolish things like staying out all night or…

— Cynthia Heimel

I remember the day we were hanging around the band's commune and Roger came in with the press kit for a rock…

— Cynthia Heimel

Reading is an escape, an education, a delving into the brain of another human being on such an intimate level that every…

— Cynthia Heimel

We must eschew anything trivial. We must embrace all that is frivolous.... Trivial things take up all your time and dull your…

— Cynthia Heimel

A comedian is not funny unless he is taking his demons out for a walk.

— Cynthia Heimel

we know that our world is corrupt and diseased but we're tired of being cynical and feeling helpless. What the hell, tilt…

— Cynthia Heimel

The media know exactly what they're doing, focusing our attention on Arsenio's hairdo. We need to keep our brains brimming with rubbish.…

— Cynthia Heimel

“It is true that William Blake said that "The Road to excess leads to the palace of wisdom," but they didn't have…

— Cynthia Heimel

All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not…

— Cynthia Heimel

You love somebody, and then you don't love them anymore. But if you really love somebody, you always love them, don't you?…

— Cynthia Heimel

Dogs act exactly the way we would act if we had no shame.

— Cynthia Heimel

Homework, root canals, and deadlines are the important things in life, and only when we have these major dramas taken care of…

— Cynthia Heimel

We all have rosy memories of a simpler, happy time- a time of homemade apple pie and gingham curtains, a time when…

— Cynthia Heimel