Geologists claim that although the world is running out of oil, there is still a 200-hundred-year supply of brake fluid. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When in comes to bullshit...bigtime, major league bullshit...you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
And speaking of sex, the Immaculate Conception does not mean Jesus was conceived in the absence of sex. It means Mary was… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Scientists announced today that they have discovered a cure for apathy. However, they claim no one has shown the slightest interest in… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
As powerful as anyone may claim God to be, somehow he always needs money. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
When it comes to bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims: religion...… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I never go anywhere or do anything that transports me outside the boundaries of my mind. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Comedy, although it is not one of the fine arts - it's a vulgar art, it's one of the people's arts, it's the spoken… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. ... These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“TOMORROW IS ANOTHER DAY. Not true. Today is another day. We have no idea what tomorrow is going to be. It might turn out… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
I was a loner as a child. I had an imaginary friend - I didn't bother with him. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
Kilometers are shorter than miles. Save gas, take your next trip in kilometers. — George Carlin Copy Share Image
“If you guys want to get a MOM tattoo and save a little money, just get two letters done. Get about a one-inch capital… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday! — George Carlin Copy Share Image
It ended suddenly for Brenda, more slowly for me. My runs began getting shorter and less pleasurable. I'd feel bad after only one day,… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
The whole idea of the pursuit of goods and possessions has completely corrupted the human experience, along with religion, which I think limits the… — George Carlin Copy Share Image
