Nikhil Saluja

A Woman Never Say: It's only the third quarter, you should order a couple more pitchers.

— Nikhil Saluja

Stop pretending to be stupid on the internet. Just be yourself ... kinda stupid.

— Nikhil Saluja

If I have ever said anything to insult you, please let me know.. I might want to say it again.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm writing a book called Stop Overreacting. If you guys don't buy it I'm going to kill myself.

— Nikhil Saluja

They say treat people the way you like to be treated. I say retweet people the way they retweet you!.

— Nikhil Saluja

The next person who says, Its not the heat, its the humidity will learn that its not my fist, but the impact.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hardly did I know when I met you That we are going to meet often

— Nikhil Saluja

FASCISM You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm no religious man but blowjobs are a great way for bad girls to pay for their sins.

— Nikhil Saluja

I don't flush the toilet after I poop because I'm really into marketing my brand.

— Nikhil Saluja

I wish falling out of the bed was a sport so I could claim to be athletic.

— Nikhil Saluja

LOVE, What we have in common with the residents of all third-world countries;

— Nikhil Saluja

Failure doesnt mean God has abandoned you¦¦ it does mean God has a better idea!

— Nikhil Saluja

Women are like plug sockets. You have to stick something into all three holes before they work.

— Nikhil Saluja

Imagine meeting someone who understood even the dustiest corners of your mixed up soul.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a woman finds a guy who treats them right, they should hold on to him with both legs.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you hate someone and you want to screw their life, introduce them to Twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

Some of the greatest quotes, come from the most uncommon of minds.

— Nikhil Saluja

HUSBAND, What is left of a lover, after the nerve has been removed;

— Nikhil Saluja

It doesn't matter how many 'relationship quotes' you Tweet or Retweet, your boyfriend will still cheated on you

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that you can keep puking long after you think you're finished.

— Nikhil Saluja

You've got higher grades than mine, not because you're smarter than me, but because I'm lazier than you.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you've ever answered a question with, Google it. Go fuck yourself.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just killed a spider and there's blood everywhere because the spider was on my wife's face. I'm a murderer, guys.

— Nikhil Saluja

My best friend told me about a great 80's porn site. I fucking hope he meant the 1980's.

— Nikhil Saluja

I used to look for cameras in the mall to steal things, now I look to see if I can scratch my…

— Nikhil Saluja

My internet went down. By which I mean my neighbours changed their password.

— Nikhil Saluja

Men look at women's behinds and go: what an ass! Women look at men faces and go: what an ass!

— Nikhil Saluja

Most women are open to anything in bed if you make it clear that you are not going to get anything in…

— Nikhil Saluja

Spiders are nature's perverts... Why else are they found in the bathrooms?

— Nikhil Saluja

WIFE, A person who sits up with you when you are sick, and puts up with you when you are not;

— Nikhil Saluja

Just remember, in a one size fits all world; you will see very few well-dressed people.

— Nikhil Saluja

STERILISE: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl gives you breakfast in bed. The woman gives you breakfast and head.

— Nikhil Saluja

People who use foursquare, you're making it way too easy for me to murder you.

— Nikhil Saluja

Gay men are only good with fashion because they spend so many fucking years in the closet.

— Nikhil Saluja

Forgiveness.. It Is The Wonderful Smell That A Flower Gives., When its Being Crushed..!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Youre probably doing something wrong if you have to give a press conference every time you masturbate.

— Nikhil Saluja

Never masturbate to a fantasy involving anyone you might actually have to interact with. Trust me.

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest problem is falling in love with those who retweet me,

— Nikhil Saluja