Sometimes you stop talking to someone because you keep telling yourself that if they wanted to talk to you, they would. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I was a kid during the height of the Cold War. If I did something wrong, my parents just accused me of… — Nikhil Saluja Cold war Copy Share Image
It's all fun and games until someone wants something from you... — Nikhil Saluja Games Copy Share Image
If God only gave me a clear sign... like making a large deposit in my name at a swiss bank. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
You're so boring, Even if you threw a boomerang, it wouldn't come back to you. — Nikhil Saluja Boomerang Copy Share Image
Before you commit to a bad decision, write your future self a letter explaining why you are making that choice. — Nikhil Saluja Bad decision Copy Share Image
One of my coworkers has an annoying habit, He works! Makes me look bad. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
When I'm not on twitter tweeting awesome fucking shit, it's cause I'm busy fishing your sis. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Thanks to Photoshop I can show all my boys the hot ugly chicks I've banged on Facebook. — Nikhil Saluja Twitter Copy Share Image
Sometimes I look at my friends and think to myself, What the hell would I do without them — Nikhil Saluja Friends Copy Share Image
Site Engineer is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. — Nikhil Saluja Engineering Copy Share Image
I often wonder how my tweets are going to sound when read aloud at my future divorce hearing. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
On one thing, at least, men & women both agree: They both distrust women. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I've never felt this way about anyone before. - Every girl, literally every time they like a guy — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Griddle cakes, pancakes, hotcakes, flapjacks: why are there four names for grilled batter and only one word for love? — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Animal testing is a terrible idea. They get nervous and give the wrong answers. — Nikhil Saluja Animal Copy Share Image
You know what's fun? Go to a German restaurant and insist on using chopsticks. — Nikhil Saluja Chopsticks Copy Share Image
TWO-MINUTE WARNING: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises. — Nikhil Saluja Alcohol Copy Share Image
1813 Women have no rights. 1913 Women fight for some rights. 2013 Women are always fucking right. — Nikhil Saluja Being a woman Copy Share Image
Can you stop pretending urself as a 'tough' girl on twitter? We get it. You don't give a shit about anyone. Good… — Nikhil Saluja Tough girl Copy Share Image
Facebook should add sexually active to their material status, it would save us on tons of poking. — Nikhil Saluja Poking Copy Share Image
Yesterday, I came home early from work and found my Girlfriend cheating. The lazy bitch has hired a maid for cooking. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
Sometimes I'll see a girl jogging that's so sexy, I'll jog directly behind her ass until she gets home. — Nikhil Saluja Facebook Copy Share Image
My wife just asked me to do something she saw in a porn movie: order a pizza. — Nikhil Saluja Marriage Copy Share Image
Inflation hasn't ruined everything. For example, a dime can still be used as a screwdriver. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Love: starts with a friendship, moves to a kiss, leads to between the legs, then finishes on her face. — Nikhil Saluja Friendship Copy Share Image
Helpful weight loss tip: Don't eat so much, you fat piece of shit. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
In a democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism it's your count that votes. — Nikhil Saluja Democracy Copy Share Image
True Love is like Justin Bieber's masculinity. It doesn't exist. — Nikhil Saluja Love Copy Share Image
Ladies: when your parents told you as a child don't spit honey, it's not lady like. Those same rules apply to blowjobs… — Nikhil Saluja Children Copy Share Image
95% of vegetarians are vegetarian just so they can tweet & tell the rest of us they are. — Nikhil Saluja Food Copy Share Image
Walking around with a 'Don't talk to me. I'm dead inside.' sign on my forehead wasn't a good idea after all. — Nikhil Saluja Dead inside Copy Share Image
If you can't say goodbye to your past, then you just can't say hello to your future. — Nikhil Saluja Dont look back Copy Share Image
That moment when you have to beg yourself to stop crying and tell yourself, 'Be Strong' — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I just want someone to compliment my new underwear. Ugh, its so hard being a salesman in this day and age. — Nikhil Saluja Funny Copy Share Image
Alcoholic: A person you don't like who drinks as much as you do. — Nikhil Saluja Alcoholic Copy Share Image
Whenever you're sad just remember that you dont look like you did in 6th grade. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I'm husband material (Getting fatter, balding, emotionally distant, intermittently angry for no reason — Nikhil Saluja Husband material Copy Share Image
If you're a cowboy who likes to line dance always remember, the girl behind you is secretly calling you a pussy. — Nikhil Saluja Cowboy Copy Share Image
