Nikhil Saluja

I don't delete tweets that don't get retweeted. I hug them and tell them they're just as special.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're going to act like a pussy, you should at least dress like one... Here I bought you the smallest dildo…

— Nikhil Saluja

Instagram and nightclubs are where ugly people go to trick people into thinking they're hot.

— Nikhil Saluja

The British Royal Family had to be Gujjus - love dressing gaudy whenever they step out.

— Nikhil Saluja

Found out my girlfriend has been selling her pussy but it's OK she's just playing tricks on me.

— Nikhil Saluja

I just puked and some inspirational tweets came out. Now I know where some of you get your tweets from!

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my porn like I like my food; homemade and sometimes on the kitchen table.

— Nikhil Saluja

Women over 200 pounds with a visible thong should have to register as sex offenders.

— Nikhil Saluja

Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says trust me, you don't want to know.

— Nikhil Saluja

Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.

— Nikhil Saluja

I recently started selling furniture for a living. Trouble is, it's my own!

— Nikhil Saluja

It is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

— Nikhil Saluja

Tears running down my face like rain, who would have ever thought that love would come with so much pain.

— Nikhil Saluja

If Men Got Pregnant: Maternity leave would last for two years with full pay

— Nikhil Saluja

ProTip: If you need a shoulder to cry on...buy a teddy bear or something like a pillow.

— Nikhil Saluja

I like my women like I like watching my porn on the computer, fucking muted.

— Nikhil Saluja

Roses are red. Violets are blue. They both live in the ground...soon, you will too.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever you're having doubts about your sexuality, remember that's exactly how female cockroaches feel the whole time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Give a man some 'pussy' and he'll have 'sex' for a day. Teach a man to 'jackoff' and he'll have 'sex' for…

— Nikhil Saluja

I always date girls with beer guts cause you know those bitches can party.

— Nikhil Saluja

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

— Nikhil Saluja

She: Do You Think Im Fat Now.? Me: No Baby, You Have Just Become My Teddy Bearfrom A Barbie Doll..!! ¥

— Nikhil Saluja

Math: Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter: Eskimo Pi

— Nikhil Saluja

THEY'RE going to THEIR house because you are not THERE. It's not Rocket Science.

— Nikhil Saluja

There's a certain charm, when the words Go fuck yourself roll off your tongue. Try it.

— Nikhil Saluja

The more you ask how much longer it will take, the longer the journey will seem.

— Nikhil Saluja

The British Royal family had to be Gujjus - Nice joint family living under one roof with an old Baa who refuses…

— Nikhil Saluja

KISSING, While, medically, it may not spread infection -- it sure lowers a girl's resistance;

— Nikhil Saluja

Asked an one year old what his name was and he didn't know. What a fucking idiot.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every year, I start to realize how stupid I was the year before.

— Nikhil Saluja

You'll have to excuse me if I seem a little full of myself today; my wife called my paycheck cute.

— Nikhil Saluja

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says 'Dam!'

— Nikhil Saluja

If girls came with instructions they would read: For best results shoot yourself in the face now.

— Nikhil Saluja

If you're gonna tell me about something plz have proof.. If you don't have any, I don't want to hear it.

— Nikhil Saluja

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

— Nikhil Saluja

Girls like cats because cats are assholes and girls love assholes. Its fucking science.

— Nikhil Saluja

Million dollar idea: A smart phone that doesn't receive phone calls.

— Nikhil Saluja

I was arrested after my therapist suggested I take something for my kleptomania.

— Nikhil Saluja

My biggest fear is being in a plane crash and not be able to tweet about it.

— Nikhil Saluja

Don't throw away the old bucket until you know whether the new one holds water.

— Nikhil Saluja