Nikhil Saluja

Porn Rule: When a husband finds that his wife has been cheating on him, he is more turned on than angry.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, The process that turns a female from an attraction into a distraction;

— Nikhil Saluja

The only reason women need men around the house is because we haven't made a vibrator that can kill spiders.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not the best, not the most perfect but I promise to love you with my whole heart.

— Nikhil Saluja

I'm not a mind reader, so the unspoken words doesn't tell me anything at all.

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your lips are permanently stuck in the sipping position.

— Nikhil Saluja

When a waitress brings the food, old men look at the food while young men look at the waitress.

— Nikhil Saluja

That awkward moment when you watch an animated movie from your childhood, and finally understand all the dirty jokes.

— Nikhil Saluja

If your girlfriend complains that she's tired of giving you blowjobs, just outsource the work to her sister.

— Nikhil Saluja

Girls over 21 have been through so much drama. All you gotta do is hold the door open for her and she…

— Nikhil Saluja

This role playing game is so weird how many followers do I have to gain to get some weapons?

— Nikhil Saluja

Girls don't try to trick me with makeup. It's a waste of both our time.

— Nikhil Saluja

Whenever I'm bored, I go to a bank, yell FREEZE! and spray people with my water gun.

— Nikhil Saluja

Ladies : Boobs are like babies; if you don't strap them properly into their carrier, they'll fall out.

— Nikhil Saluja

Me: Your face must turn a few heads. She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.

— Nikhil Saluja

Therapist: you should be in a mental institute Me: I'm already on Twitter

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, An event, for the upper middle class, is the only adventure left;

— Nikhil Saluja

A setback in life gives you an opportunity to cherish the glory inherent in a comeback to life.

— Nikhil Saluja

I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and only suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.

— Nikhil Saluja

MARRIAGE, Something which is called a feast -- unfortunately, sometimes the appetiser is better than the main course;

— Nikhil Saluja

There is always an easy solution to every human problem - neat, plausible, and wrong.

— Nikhil Saluja

Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people . If I'm not there, I go…

— Nikhil Saluja

One of the most Exciting things about Life is¦, Not knowing Whats Next.!!

— Nikhil Saluja

Changed my name in my Ex's phone to Wrong Number because I'm a fucking genius.

— Nikhil Saluja

A surprise party is a great way to show your wife how awesome you are at lying to her face.

— Nikhil Saluja

Boys, Women are easy. Tell them they're pretty. Compliment some shit. Fuck them like you hate them. Easy.

— Nikhil Saluja

Diet plan: 1. Only eat in front of the mirror. 2. Don't eat ever.

— Nikhil Saluja

I hate to watch people suffer. That's why I just shot the guy in the head after I ran him over.

— Nikhil Saluja

Good girls wear white cotton panties Bad girls don't wear any Naughty girls don't really give a shit

— Nikhil Saluja

The worst feeling is realizing you have so much to do and you're just not bothered to do anything.

— Nikhil Saluja

We have a weight limit for elevators but not for leggings. Why damn why?

— Nikhil Saluja

Taking a long time to shower, just cause you like to stand there, under the warm water, doing nothing.

— Nikhil Saluja

A girl leaves you breathless after sex. The woman leaves you in a coma.

— Nikhil Saluja

13 year olds having sex and getting drunk? When I was 13 I was injecting heroin and had committed my 4th murder, Pussies.

— Nikhil Saluja

Excuse me, Mam there's a hair in my breast.- Me to KFC salesgirl.

— Nikhil Saluja

Oh you're the type of girl that uses your personality as birth control.

— Nikhil Saluja

Hope you're not allergic to nuts. Cause I'm gonna kick yours up into your throat.

— Nikhil Saluja

You should actually tweet everything you do - it's your fucking personal diary not twitter.

— Nikhil Saluja

The world would be a better place if people talked TO each other instead of ABOUT each other!

— Nikhil Saluja

You're Drinking Too Much Coffee When Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup.

— Nikhil Saluja