“I want to have a bunch of kids so I can open a factory and have free labor. Beat that, China!” — Jarod Kintz Labor Copy Share Image
“The reason I make things so complicated is simple: Because I like being the uncimplicator.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A zebra has stripes, the American flag has stripes, and I have an erection. Coincidence?” — Jarod Kintz American flag Copy Share Image
“Her legs are so long and sexy that I can see them 26.2 miles away. Gatorade. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Once the orange juice wears off, I might be drunk. I love vodka.” — Jarod Kintz Drunk Copy Share Image
“People are like puzzles. Especially interconnected people, like Siamese twins.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I want to invent a What does it do? machine. “What does it do?” you’re probably wondering. Well, I’ll tell you. What… — Jarod Kintz Computers Copy Share Image
“I want to do something so hard so easily, and I want to do it with no hands. Only gloves. Love will… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s better to err on the side of more, than less, except if you’re talking about killing people with the last name… — Jarod Kintz Killing Copy Share Image
“The thing that has impacted life on earth the most is life on mars. That’s where the government is storing all my… — Jarod Kintz Earth life Copy Share Image
“There’s nobody worth talking about, so let’s not talk about it. Only let’s do it anyway. I’ll make it up and then… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wouldn’t want to work in a nursery, because I can’t deal with children. Or bees. Can I offer you some tea,… — Jarod Kintz Children Copy Share Image
“Danger is the most dangerous word, because it encompasses all the dangerous words like gun, killer, etc.” — Jarod Kintz Danger Copy Share Image
“I’m willing to die for my beliefs, but over the course of a lifetime and not all at once right now.” — Jarod Kintz Faith Copy Share Image
“Dr. Chuck “Chuckles” Gigglebrooks, lead researcher at the National Association of Laughter Studies, had this conclusion to draw about why people laugh:… — Jarod Kintz Comedy Copy Share Image
“I found the skeleton of a caveman a few years back. Miraculously, it had skin and hair still attached, and amazingly my… — Jarod Kintz Caveman Copy Share Image
“I wanted a ponytail for my 16th birthday, but daddy never bought me one. He thought that not only would I not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I once said, “You put what you get, and you get what you put.” Now I’d like to disagree 180 degrees. In… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Me and a group of friends meeting in private to bond and have fun may appear to outsiders as a shadowy secret… — Jarod Kintz Community Copy Share Image
“I was reminded of my ex girlfriend the other day. It’s amazing that something as simple as a first and last name,… — Jarod Kintz Ex girlfriend Copy Share Image
“Should I go up one flight of stairs and then come back down, or should I go down one flight of stairs… — Jarod Kintz Different path Copy Share Image
“Rich mahogany wood was used to construct the bookshelves, and the floor is also hardwood of the same deep tone. Copper trim… — Jarod Kintz Furniture Copy Share Image
“Before I walked into the door, the room got shades darker as a cloud did a summersault in front of the sun.… — Jarod Kintz Fifth grade Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We were in a band. I was the lead singer, guitar player, saxophonist, harpist, violinist, bassist,… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“This book has nothing to do with cats. Or mice. Or self-motivation. This book is 100% 50% finished. But don’t worry, I… — Jarod Kintz Book Copy Share Image
“We’re not so different, you and I. Sure, we may have different religious beliefs, political outlooks, sexual orientations, economic viewpoints, and artistic/literary/culinary… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“So I am to be Robert’s replacement. On the one hand, there is no pressure, because it’s not like I am replacing… — Jarod Kintz Body love Copy Share Image
“I really relate to you,” I said to my dad. “I can tell we’re in the same boat, because I’m rowing.” When… — Jarod Kintz Dad Copy Share Image
“My dream as a boy was to write a coloring book, but the nagging problem was always, How do you write a… — Jarod Kintz Books Copy Share Image
