“Driving is better than walking, because hitting is better than being hit.” — Jarod Kintz Driving Copy Share Image
“I always wear size 14 boat shoes that are so old they could have been built by Noah.” — Jarod Kintz Fashion Copy Share Image
“If you’re at the bar trying to pick up women, remember: bend at the knees.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“He left then reappeared 15 seconds later, so I said, “Did you have a good nap?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Yes, ma’am, I will take seconds. Your dinner tastes like excrement. I scream, you scream, we all scream for excrement.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s very hard to whisper in your own ear. Love is an art, but as an artist, I guess I’m no Van… — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“Personal branding is important to me as a person. It’s also important to me as a non-person. I am a rock.” — Jarod Kintz Branding Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket are going to help me conquer the world. Just give me an army at my disposal, and… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I worked with a sketch artist, but I was driving fast when I saw the suspect, so the drawing came out blurry.” — Jarod Kintz Art Copy Share Image
“The only time I can throw 80 yards is when my football-shaped alarm clock goes off in the morning.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Then he cocked his head to the side, arched his left eyebrow like a drawbridge, and said, “I am you in the… — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“I wear loud clothes. They aren’t bright colors, but I do have speakers sewn into my shirts. What can I say, I’ve… — Jarod Kintz Bright colors Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used like so many poor people get used and then thrown away like a sack of baloney that’s… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The big, burly oaf offended my girl, so without hesitation I rushed to her defense. I did, however, make a few stops… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The British Empire covered 25% of the earth. So the phrase “The sun never sets on the British empire” wasn’t just metaphorical,… — Jarod Kintz British empire Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to trick a bull into charging at you. After you trick the bull, trick a bear next,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night. We started a shoe company, and a competitor (probably someone from Nike) attacked you,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used to keep me from exploding. My patience is wearing thin, and my clothes are also wearing thin,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t… — Jarod Kintz Dream Copy Share Image
“My dreams have wings. But not soaring eagle wings, more like the wings of a butterfly—colorful and easily ripped off. The last… — Jarod Kintz Dreams Copy Share Image
“First machine kicked man’s ass physically, then machine started taking over the left-brain when Deep Blue bested Kasparov in chess, and then… — Jarod Kintz Brain Copy Share Image
“If I could fly, life would be amazing. But paraplegic people say the same thing about walking, and I freaking hate walking.… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I nearly ran him over after he ran out in front of my car. So I slammed on the brakes, rolled down… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Politics are like shoes. On one side you have the left, and on the other side you have the right. And every… — Jarod Kintz Confidence Copy Share Image
“The morning grass was damp and cool with dew. My yellow rain slicker must have looked sharp contrasted against the bright green… — Jarod Kintz Better place Copy Share Image
“Seeking a woman who looks like a feminized version of L. Ron Hubbard to help me decode intergalactic messages that I might… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick and a blanket could be used as characters in a story full of clever dialogue, such as: Brick: I checked… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
