“The US is at a point where just when the people imagine things can’t get any worse, they realize their imaginations weren’t… — Jarod Kintz Imagination Copy Share Image
“Drive, guy. That green light isn’t going to get a deeper green. It’ll only ripen and turn yellow.” — Jarod Kintz Green light Copy Share Image
I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot.… — Jarod Kintz Communication Copy Share Image
“The president spends most of his time playing golf and vacationing. But the times he’s away from the office are the times… — Jarod Kintz Playing golf Copy Share Image
“I went to a nude beach. No naked people were around, but there was plenty of exposed flesh in the teeth of… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Half of me wants to do it, while the other half says, No, amputate the other side of your body.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The coolest way to be cool is to be yourself, because nobody can be you but you. Well, aside from your clone. ” — Jarod Kintz Clone Copy Share Image
“She was dressed as a nearly invisible shower, wearing only a raincoat, and I sold her an umbrella that would shield her… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket could be used as a soggy umbrella, if you’re too cheap to buy my 360-degrees spinning windshield wiper on a… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“It’s 3:33 am as I’m writing this down on loose sheets of printer paper. I’m in the back office sitting behind the… — Jarod Kintz Good life Copy Share Image
“According to me I have hypochondria. So if I say I suffer from a condition where a person thinks they suffer from… — Jarod Kintz Hypochondria Copy Share Image
“The punctuation mark that best describes me as a person is the dash. But for Mark Question, it would probably be the… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If instead of a handshake you hold out a fist for a fist bump, I’ll wrap my hand around your fist like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Bricks could be used to build structures that homosapiens can live in and engage in homosexuality in. Crazy, right? Well, it is… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d like to spend money on a wallet, but if I spent money on a wallet, I’d have none left over to… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“When people change, I’m disappointed they’re not who I remember them being. And when people don’t change, I’m disappointed they still are… — Jarod Kintz People change Copy Share Image
“The sundress she wanted was too expensive for me, so I bought her a moondress. It’s not as shiny, but it still… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m a big cat lover, so I thought it’d be cool to join the Black Panther party. But can you believe it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
I want my time to be taken up by chores, errands, appointments, and arguments. In other words, I want to get married. — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If my name were Oscar, I’d want to be an actor and win my namesake award and take back my identity.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be exchanged for a bar of gold. But be sure you wait until the owner of the gold isn’t… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The essence of courage is timing. Take me, for example. I’ll show up to fight anybody, anywhere. I’ll just show up a… — Jarod Kintz Courage Copy Share Image
“Bricks could have been used to stop Napoleon’s army from advancing into Russia. And blankets could have been used to keep Napoleon… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“After being videotaped, I found that I talk a lot with my hands. Especially if my hands are covered with socks. I… — Jarod Kintz Nervous Copy Share Image
“I heard you calling out to me, but I almost didn’t reply because you were using another guy’s name.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Most people go to networking events to gain visibility. But in a crowded room, I’m trying to figure out how to become… — Jarod Kintz Networking Copy Share Image
“When I’m not eating, sleeping, working, or doing a hundred other things, I’m making love. I need to arrange my priorities. Sleeping… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to destroy your mannequin lover. It’s the only proper thing to do. Remember, I was the one… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’ve got a sizeable retirement nest egg. It’s an ostrich egg, and it’s going to make an omelet so big that it’ll… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“A brick represents my rationality, and a blanket represents my emotions. It’s robot versus mannequin, and to get a sense of who… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am quite possibly the world's bravest coward. I have never backed down from backing down from a fight.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“If I could, I’d eat love for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for in-between snacks, I’d eat passion fruit.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I once got 7th place in a swim meet. Being top 8 is an accomplishment, especially when you consider that including me,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I make love sensually, and without the aid of a fancy recipe. I just open the box, add water, stir a bit,… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“I have a secret handshake, like the Masons. Except mine is like a true secret in that nobody else knows about it,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I mopped up my moped off the street, and drove home on the unicycle below my handlebar mustache, while I thought about… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“If I were the King’s official mapmaker, I’d also be the second largest landholder (after the King, of course). Would I own… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I named my car Itch, not because it’s all scratched up, though it is, but because it got under my skin without… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Today I am doing better than yesterday, and tomorrow I hope to be doing better than I am today. And two days… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
