“The moment I heard her name I fell in love. Of course I fell in love with the wrong name, so I… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“I was a bellman once. A bellman of love. The hospitality industry taught me a lot about romance, and proper gratuity etiquette.” — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Stairs, are they going up or are they going down? They’re so confusing! If love were a physical thing, it would be… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Love has a glow, like a neon light having sex with a pack of hi-lighters, only not quite as quaint.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You don’t need brass knuckles to discover if a man has a glass jaw. All you need to do is stick his… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I asked myself a question, but I wouldn’t answer, because it was too personal. I wish I had a clone, so he… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I am a fisherman, a hunter, and a lover. A lover of men, not animals. And by men I mean women.” — Jarod Kintz Fisherman Copy Share Image
“I have so many friends I couldn’t even count them on one hand—not even if I had six fingers. Now, if I… — Jarod Kintz Friend Copy Share Image
“Sometimes I pretend I'm from the 19th century. Then I drive around and say, Wow! So this is what the future's like,… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’d love to work with an Asian guy named Wu Hu, because just saying his name would get me all pumped up… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“At first sign of crisis, the ignorant don’t panic because they don’t know what’s going on, and then later they panic precisely… — Jarod Kintz Anxiety Copy Share Image
“Hydrogenated and androgynous milky white love is all I have to offer you. Would you like me to pour it in your… — Jarod Kintz Love Copy Share Image
“The very thing keeping me alive is also killing me—love. No wonder the rose symbolizes both love and death. They should have… — Jarod Kintz Death Copy Share Image
“A lot of prestigious men have passed through my office. That’s the benefit of having an office in the hall.” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.” — Jarod Kintz Forgiveness Copy Share Image
“You made me dinner, so I made myself vomit—twice. Once to clear some room in my full stomach so I could eat,… — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“It takes maturity and practice and patience to spread chunky peanut butter evenly on crumbly bread.” — Jarod Kintz Food Copy Share Image
“My math is so fuzzy you should pet it. Four minus two isn’t two, because between two and four minus two is… — Jarod Kintz Mathematics Copy Share Image
“Diversity is like a buffet, only with people. That’s why I like associating with individuals who are as close to macaroni and… — Jarod Kintz Diversity Copy Share Image
“I'm proud to be a Mick, even though I'm not Irish My middle name is Mickey, though. Actually, I’m lying.” — Jarod Kintz Irish Copy Share Image
“At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough. ” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I wonder if Seal got his name because it looks like his face was mauled by a Great White shark?” — Jarod Kintz Fish Copy Share Image
“I have a cigarette for a penis. Except when I get sexually aroused it turns into a cigar. Would you care to… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“The cause isn’t worth getting up for, but it is worth sleeping for. Just trying to do my part to help humanity.” — Jarod Kintz Humanity Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to cut things. The duller the object, the sharper the user has to be to make it… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I’m different than other men in that I’m indifferent to the ins and outs of concave and convex relationships. I feel that… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“My photograph represents me as a person, but not as a personality. My personality is best represented by a Rorschach test.” — Jarod Kintz Photography Copy Share Image
“When a guy at the urinal says to me, "If you shake it more than twice, you're playing with it," I like… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Would it make you more comfortable if I wore a condom while I shook your hand? I could wear it on my… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“To show the football coach I was ready to play tight end, I wore no pants and had a Q-tip dangling out… — Jarod Kintz Football coach Copy Share Image
“One of the most productive ways a government can spend money on the people is by building more prisons. That’s what makes… — Jarod Kintz Freedom Copy Share Image
“He said he didn’t think he is good, but you can tell that secretly he thinks he’s good. And he’s right—he’s not… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I can’t sell sex for money, but what if I change sex’s name to food? Then can I sell it freely in… — Jarod Kintz Money Copy Share Image
“A brick could be used to measure water levels through what scientists call hydrostatics. If you throw a brick into the ocean,… — Jarod Kintz Science Copy Share Image
“I would like an extra tight vagina, in a to-go box please. Can I get it with extra gravy on top?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“Whenever I see a strange man at a urinal, I always approach him slowly and say, “Dad, is that you?” — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“You don’t need to windup the wind to keep it going. It’s the same with my erection. All you need is two… — Jarod Kintz Copy Share Image
“I went to a networking event once. I passed out before I passed out my business cards. My business was called Blacked… — Jarod Kintz Business Copy Share Image
