I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men own basketball teams. Every year cheerleaders' outfits get tighter and briefer, and players' shorts get baggier and longer. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love watches with multiple functions. My husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it. If you feel the need to marry a… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
No man is charming all of the time. Even Cary Grant is on record saying he wished he could be Cary Grant. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men accept compliments much better than women do. Example: "Mitch, you look great." Mitch: "Thanks." On the other side: "Ruth, you look… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men love to be the first to read the newspaper in the morning. Not being the first is upsetting to their psyches. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I never know what to get my father for his birthday. I gave him a hundred dollars and said, 'Buy yourself something… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I've never seen a man walk into a party and say "Oh, my God,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men don't feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Waiters and waitresses are becoming nicer and much more caring. I used to pay my check, they would say "Thank you." That's… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians,… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If you buy your husband or boyfriend a video camera, for the first few weeks he has it, lock the door when… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I think the most important thing about learning comedy is to start from who you are. If you begin the process by… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men like cars, women like clothes. Women only like cars because they take them to clothes. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If it's attention you want, don't get involved with a man during play-off season. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
All men think that they're nice guys. Some of them are not. Contact me for a list of names. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I burned sixty calories. That should take care of a peanut I had in 1962. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That's how rich I want… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Men hate to lose. I once beat my husband at tennis. I asked him, "Are we going to have sex again?" He… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Marrying a divorced man is ecologically responsible; in a world where there are more women than men, it pays to recycle. — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Never play peek-a-boo with a child on a long plane trip. There's no end to the game. Finally I grabbed him by… — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
Be careful of men who are bald and rich; the arrogance of "rich" usually cancels out the nice of "bald". — Rita Rudner Copy Share Image
I worry about Las Vegas schools. I hear in math, they only teach them to count to 21. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Most men are secretly still mad at their mothers for throwing away their comic books. They would be valuable now. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Going out to eat is expensive. I was out at one restaurant and they didn't have prices on the menu. Just faces with different… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are very confident people. Even a sixty-year-old man with no arms thinks he could play in the Super Bowl if he had to. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Envy the kangaroo. That pouch setup is extraordinary; the baby crawls out of the womb when it is about two inches long, gets into… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
When you're a dancer, you start with the basics. You don't all of a sudden do a grand jete and pirouette. You start with… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
... life is broken down into these stages: you're born and you don't know how anything works; gradually you find out how everything works;… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
We live in Los Angeles, where you are expected to move every two to four years, so people can see how well your career… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
A good place to meet a man is at the dry cleaner. These men usually have jobs and bathe. — Rita Rudner Copy Share
I have been doing leg lifts faithfully for about fifteen years, and the only thing that has gotten thinner is the carpet where I… — Rita Rudner Copy Share
