Why write a song when no one can play the notes or understand the lyrics? — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The two had been together since they were little girls, and so loved and hated each other like sisters.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Most killer whales are just four tons of doofus dressed up like a police car.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I have followed my penis into hell and returned with the story.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“By Aladdin's lamplit scrotum, man! Everything is a story. What is there but stories? Stories are the only truth.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Shoes off in the whale! And don't try and make a break for the anus.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You know, he doesn't have to be the only one bopped in the noggin when noggin-boppin' time rolls around.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“He tapped into the Zen of ignorance, the enlightenment of absurdity.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You want broccoli?" asked Mrs. Korjev. "Is there orange broccoli?" Sophie asked. "Green broccoli is good for you, make you strong, like… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“That was supposed to be the whole purpose of the Internet, you know. To share scientific information." "Not a Viagra- and porn-delivery… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Jody screamed at him: a high, explosive, unintelligible expulsion of pure inhuman frustration--a Hendrix high note sampled and sung by a billion… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Is she special? (asks the gay waiter)" I thinks she's going to break my heart" On arrival of the girl" The flannel… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“You're the one with almost an MBA," Barry, the short balding one, said to Lash. "You should know what to do." "They… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry, you can't have a baby brother, because that would mean that Daddy had sex, and that's never going… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“This is a bawdy tale. Herein you will find gratuitous shagging, murder, spanking, maiming, treason, and heretofore unexplored heights of vulgarity and… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“But I have known many women--many women indeed, and it is in their nature to confound us, Othello. They are all by… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“My name," said Mr. Fresh. "Pardon?" Charlie stopped tying himself up. "I dress in mint green because of my first name. It's… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“These dogs are not fighting." "Yes they are. Like the paintings we saw in the Louvre," said Lucien. "Gecko-Roman wrestling Father called… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Religion was supposed to be a matter of faith. Gods were not supposed to jump on your desk and snarl at you.… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“From the slope of Haleakala, the Old Broad watched the activity in the channel with a two-hundred-power celestial telescope and a pair… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“At the pet store he picked out two painted turtles, each about as big around as a mayonnaise-jar lid. He bought them… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
The fact that 'A Dirty Job' has comedy and supernatural horror in it, that both are woven in and out of it… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Let me say right here, if I haven't made it clear, that I have seen as many pale, naked old-man parts in… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude--the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“The Holy Mother has many faces, but you know it's her from her blue cloak. She is said to be the spirit… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“One Monday, just for sport, Charlie grabbed an eggplant that a spectacularly wizened granny was going for, but instead of twisting it… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Everyone thinks that it was the big strong caveman who got the girl, and for the most part, that may have been… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Joshua's ministry was three years of preaching, sometimes three times a day, and although there were some high and low points, I… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“In another Christmas story, Dale Pearson, evil developer, self-absorbed woman hater, and seemingly unredeemable curmudgeon, might be visited in the night by… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“He, Jeff, and Troy Lee carried Super Soakers loaded with Grandma Lee's Vampire Cat Remedy, other Animals had garden sprayers slung on… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Nate had been born and raised in British Columbia, and Canadians hate, above all things, to offend. It was part of the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“I'm feeling full of tiny princes, bustling to get out into the world and start plotting against one another.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Andrew Lloyd Webber's version of the Kool-Aid jingle is at once chilling and evocative. Donny Osmond is brilliant as James Jones.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe.… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Look, you mad tart, I have a covenant with God, which is: I don't mention that he has stocked the world full… — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“A gentleman can't even discuss fucking philosophy without you puritanical twats casting judgmental glances at his tackle d'amore.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share Image
“Love them all," said Renoir. "That is the secret, young man. Love them all." The painter let go of his arm and shrugged. "Then,… — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“I tried cutting myself to express my heartbreak over Tommy (Lord Flood) rejecting me, but OMFG it hurts like flaming fuck.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share
Canada is a myth people made up to entertain children, like the Tooth Fairy. There’s no such place. — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“I hope you are not here to ask me to do my bawdy business- the monkey has a nosebleed and the circus, sir, is… — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“The night was crisp and the stars shone with a cold blue light like loneliness or infinity.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“Abby Von Normal - And I'm like, "Don't change the subject, Kung Pao, what I want to know is if you're ready to spend… — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“You can't just go around blurting out the truth like a prophet with Tourette's syndrome.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share
Lonliness evaporated off of them like the steam off dry ice, and by morning it was just a cloud on the ceiling of the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“Give us a call or you know, flash a searchlight in the sky with your logo on it, because we monitor everything.” — Christopher Moore Copy Share
“it wasn't so much like the hands of time had stood still here, more like they'd been thrown in the air in exasperation, the… — Christopher Moore Copy Share
