3 things I've learned in school: Texting without looking, sleeping without getting caught, and team work on tests! — Carissa Aydaa Copy Share Image
I've got such effeminate hands. I could never be strong. Whenever I even got to a save, my fingers would just bend… — Robert Pattinson Copy Share Image
I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that's what he… — Drew Carey Copy Share Image
I never understand when people say, 'Do you do comedy or tragedy?' I don't think they're very much different. They both have… — Mike Nichols Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing because you look at the careers of other filmmakers, and you see them sort of slow down, and… — Joel Coen Copy Share Image
I made no resolutions for the New Year. The habit of making plans, of criticizing, sanctioning and molding my life, is too… — Anais Nin Copy Share Image
Confront a child, a puppy, and a kitten with a sudden danger; the child will turn instinctively for assistance, the puppy will… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“The door to the situation room door opened, drawing her attention to a tall, lean man with eyes as sharp as razors.… — Cindy Gerard Copy Share Image
“I cook better than you," Nick corrected absently. "I think monkeys can probably be taught to cook better than you." "I'd like… — Sarah Rees Brennan Copy Share Image
Honey, put down that razor. Forget what negative things were said to you. Only remember positive things. FORCE those thoughts of suicidecompletely… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Death is number one on the list of things that we wish were possible to leave behind when we escaped barbarism.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour and… — Ellen DeGeneres Copy Share Image
When life gives me lemons, I'm like What's the catch? Because in this expensive world no one's just giving away free lemons. — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Do not let a day go by without taking some time for yourself - some time you spend in pure pleasure, as… — Napoleon Hill Copy Share Image
Guys, if your jeans are skinnier than mine, it's not happening. P.S. - My gay friend wants to know if you're single. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know I'm funny, and I like to be in front of people, and the fact that I'm good at that. It's… — Jim Norton Copy Share Image
Hoover, if elected, will do one thing that is almost incomprehensible to the human mind: he will make a great man out… — Clarence Darrow Copy Share Image
Kansas is a piece of real estate that completely disproves the theory of roundness as a quality of the planet earth. — W. Bruce Cameron Copy Share Image
I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I… — David Sedaris Copy Share Image
It's funny you can pretty much substitute the same actors in that top tier, whether it's a Chris Evans or a Chris… — Tamlyn Tomita Copy Share Image
It's funny, because earlier, I used to have questions about how you coped with the seniors in the team, and now I… — Smriti Mandhana Copy Share Image
Why do single women take advice from other single women? That's like Stevie Wonder giving Ray Charles driving directions. — Hussein Nishah Copy Share Image
Love is like a storm.It is calm and soothing.It is natural and essential.It is powerful and fulfilling and nothing can get in… — Sharlene05 Copy Share Image
Here goes a joke: Mom Sh**,wat r u sayin boay,Sh** mom,the Sh**,i tried 2 wake up ma sista with a fart but… — Harvey Mcfield Copy Share Image
Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, "Don't go outside! Or… — Dylan Moran Copy Share Image
Hey you! Wipe the tears from your eyes, stop thinking how bad your life is, turn off the depressing music, stop sitting… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm Working On My Harry StylesFanfic(: Alot Of people Are liking it So Far!. And I'm Adding people In The Story! So… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down because nothing seems to be going right, I like to take a home pregnancy test. Then I… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
You call me a bit*h? Well a bit*h is a dog, Dogs bark, Bark is on trees, Trees are nature, Nature is… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I was flying with my brother, and he challenged me to work out on the airplane. He thought it was funny -… — Izabel Goulart Copy Share Image
Im a man of my word so trust me when I tell u that your beautiful then in my eyes your the… — Luke Collins Copy Share Image
Actually, for me, it's really funny because I play characters with mommy issues more than anything, and I have a great relationship… — Danielle Macdonald Copy Share Image
A big part of becoming a funny person was a major defense mechanism. Onstage, especially as a woman, I've had to be… — Amy Schumer Copy Share Image
A beautiful vacuum filled with wealthy monogamists, all powerful and members of the best families all drinking themselves to death. — Ernest Hemingway Copy Share Image
A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Acting is a funny job because you're always playing a hundred levels of pretend, but when you're working with great designers who… — Jason Ralph Copy Share Image
“There’s pretty much no way for me to answer that without sounding like an asshole, so maybe you could do me a… — Alex Potvin Copy Share Image
I was wondering why no one was on, then I remembered it was Friday, normal people actually do more than stay on… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Those special people who believe in others give them the courage to succeed. It really means a lot to work with someone… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
