A lot of times girls think they're funny, but they want to pretty at the same time, and if you want to… — Amy Sedaris Copy Share Image
My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make… — Richard Simmons Copy Share Image
Why, I don't exactly know about perjury, my dear sir," replied the little gentleman. "Harsh word, my dear sir, very harsh word… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
I don't know why I get away with some things. But I'm not a misogynistic, racist person. Yet I do find those… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
EXTREMELY FUNNY! A SUPER-VIRTUOSO! I expected to enjoy 'The Two and Only,' but I didn't expect to be touched, much less to… — Terry Teachout Copy Share Image
If you're not going to love the Spurs, just don't talk smack to me about it. And if you're going to talk… — Michelle Beadle Copy Share Image
His wardrobe was extensive--very extensive--not strictly classical perhaps, not quite new, nor did it contain any one garment made precisely after the… — Charles Dickens Copy Share Image
My best childhood memory was falling asleep on the couch and waking up in bed. I miss teleporting. It never happens to… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
It may sound funny to others, but there is a sense of freedom when I am able to live on my own,… — Soha Ali Khan Copy Share Image
I wonder why¦ When theres something you dont want to do, you suddenly want to clean¦ but once you start cleaning, it… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Dear Electricity, They're just using to u so that they can turn me on Sincerely, Computer. Dear Computer, They're using u to… — Arashi Copy Share Image
“I smack myself in the forehead. “Holy priceless collection of Etruscan snoods, they’re not moving!” I exclaim. There’s a choking noise over… — Karen Marie Moning Copy Share Image
She never sat down in a car but stood, braced tense, facing the wind. Now and again she would turn her face… — Mazo de la Roche Copy Share Image
Ironing boards are a classic example of something I find horrible about modern society: the excitementation, for want of a better word,… — Daniel Radcliffe Copy Share Image
And on nearby islands, the Japanese army was eating raw fish. We felt sorry for them. We didn't know that in America… — Bob Hope Copy Share Image
Did you know that the Stegosaurus lived further away from the Tyrannosaurus Rex than we are from the Tyrannosaurus Rex in time? — Jonah Peretti Copy Share Image
I think there's a notion in our society, and it may be valid, that people aren't as funny when they get older.… — Phil Hartman Copy Share Image
“Have you ever come across something you couldn't explain?" "Explain in what way? I could explain a ghost by saying, 'yes, that's… — Isaac Asimov Copy Share Image
“There's a tavern by the docks. He's there most evenings." "Then I'll talk to him tonight," Halt said. "You can try. But… — John Flanagan Copy Share Image
Notre nature est dans le mouvement; le repos entier est la mort. Our nature consists in movement; absolute rest is death. — Blaise Pascal Copy Share Image
I am cursed with a right leg that arouses the desire of any male dog that happens to be passing. I used… — Jasper Carrott Copy Share Image
Doing 'Sex Education,' my character Aimee is super funny and super silly, but at her core, she's fiercely loyal and kind. Playing… — Aimee Lou Wood Copy Share Image
If life gives you lemons don't make a fucking lemonade take the shitty lemons and throw them at the assole who's making… — Peta-Gaye Clark Copy Share Image
Before we sent kids to computer camps and told them they were having a good time, there was imagination among the human… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I don't know, maybe I'm immature, but I still find it funny if I dump cold water on my girlfriend when she's… — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
I love storytellers. When I was growing up, my inspirations were watching Eddie Murphy, Dennis Wolfberg, and Louie Anderson. These guys were… — Jo Koy Copy Share Image
Coleman Jacoby and Arnie Rosen won an Emmy and Mel Brooks didn't! Niezsche was right! There is no God! There is no… — Mel Brooks Copy Share Image
My brother and I loved 'ThunderCats' and Robin Williams coming out of an egg in 'Mork & Mindy.' At the time, I… — Shaun Evans Copy Share Image
I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
“Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside, doesn’t it?” Michelle said dryly. “That the boy most likely to become the next… — Carla Cassidy Copy Share Image
I Remember When You Would Say sorry, I'm in a relationship. People would say ohh, best of luck. Now all they say… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
It's funny how the ruthless, murderous gangster has really been romanticized by the media. I mean, I grew up watching the 'Godfathers'… — Elena Satine Copy Share Image
Years ago, there was a variety theatre in every British town, and people paid to go down and see it. Comedy was… — Norman Wisdom Copy Share Image
“His accelerated path to yogihood hit a dead end when his kundalini exploded in a crowded department store. No one else was… — Swami Beyondananda Copy Share Image
A lot of people don't understand what being a Muslim is and they don't understand what it means. You just see what… — Belal Muhammad Copy Share Image
SHARE FOR SHARE anyone ? 1- SHARE us first 2- post that we are having an admin contest on 66,000 3- comment… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I said to my husband, 'Why don't you call out my name when we're making love?' He said, 'I don't want to… — Joan Rivers Copy Share Image
Watching someone getting really angry can be very funny - if it doesn't affect you, you can laugh at it, and the… — Michael Che Copy Share Image
We had a car wreck and I came to and seen my wife , I said honey are you hurt? she I'm… — Virgil Estep Copy Share Image
Beer:$10, Weed:$20, Condoms:$2.75. Finding out she swallows and has no gag reflex... PRICELESS! Fuck mastercard it pays to discover! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
