Funny Quotes · Page 868

Most people would rather die than think; in fact, they do so.

— Bertrand Russell

I'd seen weirder things than a haunted shoe, but not many.

— Richelle Mead

“SWEEP!' THe Titan grinned with delight and did a victory dance.'Sweep, sweep, sweep!”

— Rick Riordan

The closest I'll get to winning the Hunger Games is when I spot the last donut in the office kitchen.

— Anonymous

Math and alcohol don't mix. Please don't drink and derive.

— Pacifiersucker

Mom, can i... go ask your dad.dad, can i... go ask your mother. WTF.

— Anonymous

I wanted to do something not just commercial but also covetable,

— Prabal Gurung

Funny thing is, You can have everything and still be unhappy...

— Lisa's Voice

A comedic look at the TV License, you stop paying it and you get clobbered, you pay the fine but continue to…

— Sparki Dee

The Madonna tour thing was definitely funny that - you know, children were crying watching us... and it was interesting seeing how…

— Ad-Rock

Let me remind you that this is God's universe, and He is doing things His way. You may think you have a…

— J. Vernon McGee

“Seth turns to Laney and I. "Three months ago, I'm in Detroit protesting a free trade conference, right? Some pig shoves me,…

— Hannah Harrington

When you're at a comedy club, if you're not funny, you don't work. People will let you know, whether it's by booing…

— Brad Stine

Real men want women of any age who like them, who want to make them feel good and raise their testosterone level.

— Anonymous

Guide dogs for the blind. It's cruel really, isn't it? Getting a dog to lead a man round all day. Not fair…

— Steve Coogan

“Love is a damage made to the heart, violence, fate thats written, Changeable by distance, Breakable by time...!”

— Honey Father

You can't be right by doing wrong; you can't be wrong by doing right.

— Thomas S. Monson

Time is just something we invented to make motion seem simple.

— Albert Einstein

Billy Almon has all of his in-laws and outlaws here this afternoon.

— Jerry Coleman

Women make me happy. Once accepting that I will never be able to understand them makes me more happier.

— Green Monk

If revealed religions have revealed anything it is that they are usually wrong.

— Francis Crick

We're hotter than to fat b!tches fighting over a cheeseburger.

— Anonymous

The Turks ... the Saudis, the Emiratis, etc. What were they doing?

— Joe Biden

They say ignorance is bliss, but I find yours rather disturbing.

— Mrprince

I've always stayed true to myself. I've always been my outgoing and outspoken self, and just a funny guy.

— Weston McKennie

Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.

— Anonymous

When I was a kid we were so poor, if I hadn't been a boy I wouldn't have had anything to play…

— Rodney Dangerfield

I'm a moviemaker, not a documentarian. I try to hit the truth.

— Ridley Scott

Everyone is bisexual. Almost everyone has the sexual potential for anything.

— Ken Livingstone

If you don't want me to cross the line .. Then don't draw one

— Green Monk

Strangers think Im quiet, my friends think Im outgoing, my best friends know Im insane.

— Hussein Nishah

It is important not to confuse freedom with mere permissiveness

— Theodore Kaczynski

I've never wanted to kill myself over anything major. It's always the little things that do me in.

— Bill Burr

American and French culture are really, really different, but in a way it's funny.

— Patrick Mouratoglou

Girls if your BF hurts U, marry his father and make him your stepson

— Araba

Boxing's a funny business and sometimes different fights come along at different times.

— George Groves

If the grass is greener on the other side watch out, there must be a septic tank!

— Anonymous

Unfortunately, he was about as deep as a melted ice cube.

— Gail Collins

Express only that which cannot be expressed. Leave it unexpressed)

— Maurice Blanchot

If your activities don't match your priorities, you are wasting your life.

— Rick Warren