I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When I write something down it doesn't look funny to me. It's about the environment, it's all in the moment. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
If someone says money is not everything, it means that he either has nothing or a lot of it. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
A girl never gets mad for no reason. It may be over something small and stupid but there is still a reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. — Mickey Rooney Copy Share Image
It's a funny thing that's happening online. The Middle Easterners want 'Aladdin' to be a Middle Eastern story, and the Indians want… — Mena Massoud Copy Share Image
From Saint Valentine's beheading and Valentine's Day Massacre in Chicago it shouldnt be a day for lovers who think love is forever… — Jennifer Amorelli Copy Share Image
I have to say that my background in comedy, of performing live, has been such a great foundation for what we do… — Lauren Ash Copy Share Image
Tina Fey writes crazy, off-color, racist, hilarious stuff for '30 Rock,' but it's always funny because you're in this almost two-dimensional world… — Gavin Creel Copy Share Image
People would ask me, 'Is he as funny at home as he is in the movies?' ... I would have to answer,… — Arthur Marx Copy Share Image
“You think too much of your "toilette", Adele; but you may have a flower." I took a rose from a vase and… — Charlotte Brontë Copy Share Image
Its been a rough day. I got up this morning … put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Whenever I kill a spider in my house I leave it's guts smeared on the wall to let all the other spider… — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If you truly have it, you never lose it; and if you lose it, you never truly had it. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
“All I know is that when I whisper to dirt, my conversations are less than meaningful.” — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Being seventy has its advantages. I was outspoken before, but now what have I got to keep quiet about? — Kirk Douglas Copy Share Image
Calling an engineer an applied scientist is like calling an artistic painter an applied pigment chemist — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
You can't be mad at people for being funny and putting on cool pants. You can get pants, too, if you want! — Rachel Sennott Copy Share Image
The doctor told me not to lift anything heavy for a few weeks... So now I have to sit down when I… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Mom, thanks for not being famous enough to adopt a black baby instead of having me. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I know what I'm thinking bout, I think. Nothing. And as much of it as I can. — Alice Walker Copy Share Image
Unless your girlfriend is Rihanna, she's not gonna love the way you lie. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“In America, the least amusing people are its professional entertainers.” — Neil Postman Copy Share Image
Pro Publica distorts the relationship between organizations and their consultants, — Scott Raab Copy Share Image
