Funny Quotes · Page 574

After two minutes after this time, and I am already there.

— Eugene Ormandy

Totally without hope, one cannot live. To live without hope is to cease to live.

— Jürgen Moltmann

Nothing is as frustrating as arguing with someone who knows what he's talking about.

— Sam Ewing

Not because I don't have anything to say, I just tend not to give a fuck.

— Gothsynyster

The most stupid things ever is for you to call your own name.

— Redley

The best things in life are free. The second best are very expensive.

— Anonymous

Onions think that they are ugly because you cry after you get them naked.

— Anonymous

Change doesn't come from Washington. Change comes to Washington

— Barack Obama

On the Internet, you can choose to be whoever you want. I don't understand why so many people choose to be stupid…

— Green Monk

“So close now, Alec could read the make on his wetsuit, see the individual grains of sand that dusted the black material,…

— Alex Beecroft

I'm gonna cut my veins only got 20 scissors in my pocket i,i,i'm cutting looking for a vein this is legendary..;D

— Mee

As you may or may not know, in keeping with the high-class tone of Beverly Hills, our police force is probably the…

— Jack Benny

“Cheese runners shouted at it, tried to grab it, and flailed at it with sticks, but the piratical cheese scythed onward, reaching…

— Terry Pratchett

For people who have done comedy after a certain point in time, I think there's a base level of, 'O.K., I think…

— Will Ferrell

Karch inspired his partners, his opponents and the world of volleyball players to be better than they were, to be great... In…

— Mike Dodd

Even though the Olympics take place during Ramadan, some Muslim athletes said they will not fast during games. Then, after sampling the…

— Conan O'Brien

The life you have led doesn't need to be the only life you have.

— Anna Quindlen

They say that breaking up is hard to do, now I know, I know that it's true.

— Neil Sedaka

Find someone who will tremble for your touch, someone whose fingers are a poem.

— Janet Fitch

I Will Consult with God and Know that I will be Guided to Do What is Needed.

— Wayne Dyer

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesnt work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for…

— Anonymous

Whatever we cultivate in times of ease, we gather as strength for times of change.

— Jack Kornfield

Its funny when I m loud people tellme to b quite. but when I m quite people ask me what's wrong with…

— Some 1

“cancer: (n.) often deadly allergic reaction to modern life.”

— Sol Luckman

Sometimes, when my underwear matches my outfit, it makes me feel like I really have my life together.

— Anonymous

There are many non-intellectual countries; Australia is one of the few anti-intellectual ones.

— George Mikes

The word Cunt was added to the dictionary to describe people like u..

— SouL

You can raise her up a lady but there’s one thing you just can't avoid...

— Trace Adkins

Whats up with your motto? Will you lead? Will you follow?

— Nas

Things I don't understand don't destroy my faith in the things I do understand.

— Richard L. Evans

My favourite line: It's kinda funny how you didn't think I would find out.

— Jhiess Krieg

Narrowness of experience leads to narrowness of imagination

— Rob Pike

If you have enough book space, I don't want to talk to you.

— Terry Pratchett

Life has a funny way of becoming ordinary as soon as it can.

— Colm Toibin

The work exists for the person as much as the person exists for the work.

— Robert K. Greenleaf

Everyone has a funny bone. It's just tickled differently.

— Laura S

“So? I know lots of beautiful women. Nova wanted to chase... I merely obliged her by running.”

— D.D. Chant

The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook.

— Julia Child

Our lives are not just measured in years. They are measured in the lives we touch around us.

— Josh Hutcherson

That awkward moment when your hand touches someone's ass by mistake.

— Anonymous