If you truly have it, you never lose it; and if you lose it, you never truly had it. — R. C. Sproul Copy Share Image
“All I know is that when I whisper to dirt, my conversations are less than meaningful.” — Maggie Stiefvater Copy Share Image
A girl never gets mad for no reason. It may be over something small and stupid but there is still a reason. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. — Mickey Rooney Copy Share Image
If someone says money is not everything, it means that he either has nothing or a lot of it. — Vikrant Parsai Copy Share Image
When I write something down it doesn't look funny to me. It's about the environment, it's all in the moment. — John Bishop Copy Share Image
“Jake fried up the fish, cooked rice with garlic, cilantro and green onions. Someday he was going to make some woman a… — Josh Lanyon Copy Share Image
I think my speeches are hilarious. I think I'm a natural comedian, but I like denying people the chance to laugh. I… — Lydia Lunch Copy Share Image
“Over the coun-ter, she might let you mount-her, but in the morning, there’ll be no more whoring, as its off to the… — Sarah Hall Copy Share Image
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it… — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
I wanted to be funny for people who didn't care about fashion at all, to just to kind of exist as a… — Ben Stiller Copy Share Image
In every John Waters book, you're like: 'Wait, how can this guy be so funny in a... book?' It's like you can… — Sarah Sherman Copy Share Image
“They have provided a system which for terse comprehensiveness surpasses Justinian's Pandects and the By-laws of the Chinese Society for the Suppression… — Herman Melville Copy Share Image
The novels I planned to write were never going to be funny books about Jews. They were going to be country house… — Howard Jacobson Copy Share Image
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun. — Scott Adams Copy Share Image
When no one is watching: Like a boss. When everyone is looking: Utter dumbass fail — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The best feeling when u get out da shower & u can walk around ya spot nake — IG:catone_2_funny Copy Share Image
Men are like...Coolers. Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“I had a dream about you last night.. you were trying to give coordinates to an apple” — Nicole McKay Copy Share Image
One has fear in front of a goat, in back of a mule, and on every side of a fool — E. W. Howe Copy Share Image
You shouldn't go to college unless God has definitely called you to go. — Keith Green Copy Share Image
There is no pme who became rich because he broke a holiday, no one became fat because he broke a fast. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The appropriate age for marriage is around eighteen for girls and thirty-seven for men. — Aristotle Copy Share Image
Did you study for the test? .. Nerd: All week long. ... Normal People: I read the chapter. ... Me: What test?! — Anonymous Copy Share Image
When you have inspired thought, you have to trust it and you have to act on it. — Jack Canfield Copy Share Image
Beethoven can't really be great because his picture isn't on a bubble gum card. — Charles M. Schulz Copy Share Image
Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance? Because he had no body to go with. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
“Serena had to cross her legs: in moments of dire amusement her bladder tended to play tricks.” — A.P Copy Share Image
If you're reluctant to weep, you won't live a full and complete life. — Ray Bradbury Copy Share Image
“I lost something magical in the process of growing up – my disillusionment.” — Bauvard Copy Share Image
MARRIED MAN, a person who has learned to turn off the car motor when his wife calls: I'll be right out — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
It seems that for success in science or art, a dash of autism is essential. — Hans Asperger Copy Share Image
“Thank goodness, I can always find something funny to keep me up.” — Louisa May Alcott Copy Share Image
Everything can be sacrificed for truth, but truth cannot be sacrificed for anything. — Swami Vivekananda Copy Share Image
