Dear Facebook, Pretty Soon, They'll All Abandon You, Too. Sincerely, MySpace — Toni Watson Copy Share Image
A friend will call you an idiot, but a best friend will not only call you one, but act like one with… — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Don't evaluate yourself, don't evaluate others. Just keep going after it. — Mike Bickle Copy Share Image
Math jokes arent funny, nothing about math is funny, math is a sin(e). — Ramandeep Singh Copy Share Image
Whenever you are alone, remind yourself that God has sent everyone else away so that there is only you and Him. — Rumi Copy Share Image
“When you're running a bureaucracy the best way to safeguard your job is to make sure you're the only one who knows… — Dave Sim Copy Share Image
A lot of stand-up comedians are actually very insecure, and they come on slightly battling the audience. They want to be the… — Stephen Merchant Copy Share Image
Magic Johnson is the best player who plays on the ground, and Michael Jordan is the best player who plays in the… — John Paxson Copy Share Image
“I mean emotionally, women are like Bruce Lee and we’re like Donald Duck. An’ I think a lotta guys are afraid of… — Jonathan Ashworth Copy Share Image
According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing… — Jay Leno Copy Share Image
It seems amazing that the Navy SEALs managed to get inside the compound and shoot Osama so efficiently. I can only imagine… — Frankie Boyle Copy Share Image
When I die, will someone please go to my funeral dressed like the Grim Reaper? You don't say anything, just stand there... — Anonymous Copy Share Image
What are days for? Days are where we live. They come, they wake us Time and time over. Theyare to be happy… — Philip Larkin Copy Share Image
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made. — Jean Giraudoux Copy Share Image
HUSBAND, A man who has one mistake in his existence -- and keeps learning from it all his life; — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
Consider the postage stamp: its usefulness consists in the ability to stick to one thing till it gets there. — Josh Billings Copy Share Image
“If Duncan was ever into men then he's been so far in the closet he's been living in Narnia.” — Dana Marie Bell Copy Share Image
Happy Boss's Day to the person whose job I never, ever, ever, ever want. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Goth Juice... The most powerful hairspray known to man. Made from the tears of Robert Smith. — Noel Fielding Copy Share Image
I can't stand Liverpool. I can't stand the people. I can't stand anything to do with them. — Gary Neville Copy Share Image
Monday mornings would be better if they were a part of my weekend-long blackouts. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If women think all men are the same, then why do they worry so much about picking the right one :P — Ritu Copy Share Image
Where's Kanye West when my parents are giving me a 9376969675949 hour lecture? — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I can't imagine actually singing on this show like I did on 'Felicity', but it would be kind of funny. — Amy Jo Johnson Copy Share Image
Money is a bad god. People are a bad god. They don't have the power to do what God can do. — Kenneth Copeland Copy Share Image
If they make it illegal to wear the veil at work, bee keepers are going to be furious. — Milton Jones Copy Share Image
The ever-whirling wheele Of Change, to which all mortal things doth sway. — Edmund Spenser Copy Share Image
I tried to see that every picture was better-looking than the person. — James Van Der Zee Copy Share Image
I sang in the choir for years, even though my family belonged to another church. — Paul Lynde Copy Share Image
I gave my wife a kiss this morning. She jumped out of bed and did a lap of honour. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
