All I want in life is a pretty girl, a decent meal, and the right to shoot lightning at fools. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
A wise man among the ignorant is like a beautiful girl in the company of blind men. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
If it's sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it's sent by road then it's a shipment. — Dave Allen Copy Share Image
Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Does the brain control you or are you controlling the brain? I don't know if I'm in charge of mine. — Karl Pilkington Copy Share Image
“They would regret that they had not killed him; he would get out of that hole and find Juliana sooner or later,… — Isabel Allende Copy Share Image
Of course, Behaviourism 'works'. So does torture. Give me a no-nonsense, down-to-earth behaviourist, a few drugs, and simple electrical appliances, and in… — W. H. Auden Copy Share Image
You ever look for the remote control, but you can't find it, so you just decide, "Ah, guess I'm not watching TV.… — Jim Gaffigan Copy Share Image
Mable 'Madea' Simmons: What do you want to be? Nikki: I want to be a lawyer. Mable 'Madea' Simmons: That's good, I… — Madea Copy Share Image
There are a lot of comedic actors who are just out to be the funny one and get all the laughs and… — Jake M. Johnson Copy Share Image
“Alex?” I told him yes. “You’re my translator, right?” I asked him to be slow, because I could not understand him. In… — Jonathan Safran Foer Copy Share Image
“Merrick and I had both had tattoos, my magpie and his elephant and castle, imposed on us as…it’s a long story. A… — KJ Charles Copy Share Image
The Midwest breeds funny, eccentric people, to varying degrees. You play shows not because you're expecting to get a record deal, but… — Patrick Carney Copy Share Image
That moment when you hear your own voice recorded and think...omg I sound horrible.. — Abhishek Ghosh Copy Share Image
I laugh in the face of danger.It's a silent laugh and I usually wait until danger turns around. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Ghetto language. Bathroom = Baafrumm. Refrigerator = Fridgerataa. Remote control = Moken troll. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Trusting fear, while fearing trust and happiness often creates a less than happy life. — Bill Crawford Copy Share Image
Writing ''etc'' on an test because you don't remember any more examples. — Ritu Ghatourey Copy Share Image
If your job title is head receiver, you know you're doing something right. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
PRESENTABLE, adj. Hideously appareled after the manner of the time and place. — Ambrose Bierce Copy Share Image
Coding is a privilege, but that privilege is not available to most Americans. — Ali Partovi Copy Share Image
If you have intercourse you run the risk of dying and the ramifications of death are final. — Cyndi Lauper Copy Share Image
As life tends to become more and more distracting, let us firmly hold on to books. — A. Edward Newton Copy Share Image
Whenever cannibals are on the brink of starvation, Heaven, in its infinite mercy, sends them a fat missionary. — Oscar Wilde Copy Share Image
“Adults who use big words in order to seem intelligent are annoying, especially those who are not intelligent.” — Mokokoma Mokhonoana Copy Share Image
Every one will be something worth while, something rare, something perfect. — Wallace D. Wattles Copy Share Image
“Love is simple, if you allow it to be simple." Julian to Hannah, Take A Chance” — Alison Wong Copy Share Image
The Bible was written by barbarians in a barbarous, coarse and vulgar age. — Robert Green Ingersoll Copy Share Image
You didn't catch me cheating. I'm a masseuse, my tongue was just giving her tongue a massage. — Green Monk Copy Share Image
Would you ever cheat in relationship? I can't get one girl, how the hell do you expect me to get two — Anonymous Copy Share Image
That awkward moment when your gum randomly falls out your mouth when you're talking to someone — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I no longer believe that just about everything is funny, if viewed from the proper angle. — Tom Perrotta Copy Share Image
My responsibility to God is to live. That's the gift he gave me. What I do with it is up to me. — Mary J. Blige Copy Share Image
