Doing a book signing tomorrow at Barnes & Noble. Bring your own book...I haven't written one yet. — Daniel Tosh Copy Share Image
“We don't have dealings. He just stalks me. I'm popular like that.” — Nenia Campbell Copy Share Image
Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. — Bill Cosby Copy Share Image
I finally reached the point where I knew I had to become involved or shut up. — Harvey Milk Copy Share Image
“...Come on let’s see the degree.” Katherine unrolled her scroll displaying a long declaration in Latin affixed with a red seal proclaiming… — E.A. Bucchianeri Copy Share Image
There's nothing worse than your foot falling asleep and having to stomp around like a dinosaur until it wakes up. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
If you record the world honestly, there's no way people can stop being funny. A lot of fiction writing doesn't get that… — Lorrie Moore Copy Share Image
Take hold of this (charm) that subjects to immortality (life), may thy life unto old age not be cut off! I bring… — Atharva Veda Copy Share Image
In preschool, I would plan out my show-and-tell every week to be funny and exciting. Then in first grade I wrote a… — Maxim Knight Copy Share Image
Fifteen referees. I want fifteen referees to be at this fight because there ain't no one man who can keep up with… — Muhammad Ali Copy Share Image
“What’s that around your neck?” asked Emily. “It’s a golden star.” Said Reed. “What did you get it for?” “Chemistry class.” “What’s… — Rumi Antoinette Copy Share Image
I'm in a weird position, because I like rainbows, but I'm not gay. So whenever I go out wearing a rainbow shirt,… — Demetri Martin Copy Share Image
