Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door? — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I liked the old comic books, especially the funny ones like 'Popeye' and 'Beetle Bailey.' — Ruskin Bond Copy Share Image
Find that place which is effortlessly at rest within itself. Be there-be one with that. — Mooji Copy Share Image
I talk a lot about women in my act, 'cause let's face it -- if I was hungry, I would talk about… — Adam Ferrara Copy Share Image
“That’s what love’s all about, Roxanne. You love someone, you trust them always to tel you the truth.” — Kristen Ashley Copy Share Image
When a couple is arguing over who loves who more, the one that gives up is the real winner. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
I find it very funny as well as touching that people associate me with these characters I play and form a connect… — Pankaj Tripathi Copy Share Image
“What if you didn't have time to draw them on one day? Or what if it rained and your eyebrows started dripping… — Lauren Barnholdt Copy Share Image
I'd like to keep exploring comedy. I didn't necessarily think of myself as a comedic actress, but it's a lot of fun. — Mamie Gummer Copy Share Image
If you imagine yourself to be someone who is very uncomfortable in their own skin, then it does funny things to your… — Rebecca Hall Copy Share Image
I never dreamed I would receive the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor, mostly because my style is so typically Austrian. — Tina Fey Copy Share Image
My Friend dumped his GF last night. To make her feel better, I gave her company in her shower today & BITCH… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
“Why were you watching me change?" I explain. "Uh, 'cause I'm a guy?" He flips the pillow and slaps it, fluffing it.… — Miranda Kenneally Copy Share Image
I got jury duty and I didn't want to go, so my friend said, "You should write something really really racist on… — Sarah Silverman Copy Share Image
