Funny Quotes · Page 396

There is no nature in an instant.

— Alfred North Whitehead

Stay cool, hang loose, admit nothing.

— Cara Delevingne

“whats so funny bout peace, love and understanding?”

— Nick Lowe

I'm an ice sculptor. Last night I made a cube.

— Mitch Hedberg

Stop thinking and start looking.

— Thomas Merton

Nothing can be pleasing which is not also becoming.

— Quintilian

When you breath u respire, when you dont you expire

— Tapasvi Vyas

Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

— Ahmad

Mom: Have fun! Be safe! Kid: No. Mom: What? Kid: I can't do both.

— Itsme867

When I was little, I'm telling onyou was the scariest sentence ever.

— Anonymous

My favorite comedians are just presenting an argument, and they're doing it in a funny way.

— Hasan Minhaj

Question everything! Or shut up and be a victim of authority.

— Anonymous

We all have that one person thatwe'd take back in a second, regardless of how much they hurt us in the past.

— Anonymous

I accidentally bumped into my ex today...With my car...at 60mph...on purpose.

— Anonymous

Coco Chanel said take one thing off. I always said put another one on.

— Iris Apfel

Life without rules is like a bride without wearing jewellery

— Ritu Ghatourey

[conductor Eugene Ormandy introduces Warfield to the audience in an unintentionally humorous way:] With us tonight is William Warfield, who is with…

— Eugene Ormandy

“She'd had sex with a demon. Tayla swallowed bile and tried to keep her stomach from heaving. She needed to shower. And…

— Larissa Ione

“[the car] backfired a lot. Loud enough that when I drove in the wrong part of town and it let loose with…

— Adrienne Wilder

I love money. I love everything about it. I bought some pretty good stuff. Got me a $300 pair of socks. Got…

— Steve Martin

Being serious is serious business in fiction. It's commercial or hoi polloi in fiction to be funny. It's too accessible to the…

— Joshua Ferris

The greatest comfort of my old age, and that which gives me the greatest satisfaction, is the pleasing remembrance of the many…

— Anonymous

Apparently, my father was funny. I didn't really know him, but people have theories that the gag-smith gene trickles down through the…

— Aisling Bea

Men can read maps better than women. Cause only the male mind could conceive of one inch equaling a hundred miles.

— Anonymous

Do you get the anger that is out here?

— Anderson Cooper

Just won a staring contest... With the wall

— Nikhil Saluja

Be neither too remote nor too familiar.

— Prince Charles

Why look worse when you can look better?

— Elizabeth Hurley

It's funny that most milfs nowadays are 16.

— Daniel Ellis

You can't have the family farm without the family.

— Gilbert K. Chesterton

Invest your life in what you love.

— Jessica Jackley

If you tickle me I'm not responsible for your injuries

— Bippy

I love boys, yes I do, I love boys, how bout you.

— Kim Urbina

“As grumblers go, Stubble was in a league of his own.”

— Ian Livingstone

My mistakes always learn from me.

— Nikhil Saluja

A woman who will tell her age, will tell anything.

— Mary Kay Ash

Wayne Curtis is one of our very best writers!

— David Adams Richards

A fool and his money ¦can throw a truly great party!

— Nikhil Saluja

Exercise: you don't have time not to

— George A. Sheehan

Caught having sex - Swift Cover

— Nikhil Saluja