I saw a want ad. "light housekeeping." They said "Here, change this bulb." I said "I'll need some friends." — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Don't write what you know. Write what you love. That's what will keep you writing. — Chris Humphreys Copy Share Image
That's all I did - that's all I ever did - try to do what Billy Strayhorn did. — Gil Evans Copy Share Image
One can describe them as a boa: when it feels threatened, it runs to somewhere else. — Mohammed Saeed al-Sahaf Copy Share Image
The nation is marching along a permanently high plateau of prosperity — Irving Fisher Copy Share Image
If I look at a ref funny, I'm getting a tech. If I say anything wrong on the street, it's on Worldstar… — Matt Barnes Copy Share Image
The awkward moment when your legs go numb and try to get up ,but you end up falling on the ground... — Sarahi Gonzalez Copy Share Image
The loving touch, like music, often utters the things that cannot be spoken. — Ashley Montagu Copy Share Image
Thinks it is not very funny that the people who said I'll never hurt you are the ones that hurt you the… — MisLali Copy Share Image
The government will pay certain farmers to not grow corn. Wow. Where's my check? That'd be great. "Hey, what do you do… — Brian Regan Copy Share Image
My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“Dating is basically this weird thing where you go out and pretend to be someone you're not until the other person likes… — Kevin Molesworth Copy Share Image
For me, I can't watch violence when it's too grotesque, and it's just like, that's revolting to watch. I don't enjoy it.… — Aaron Taylor-Johnson Copy Share Image
“-Question: "On a scale from one to ten how fierce are you?"- David: "You are just asking me this because I am… — David Levithan Copy Share Image
I know that somewhere in the Universe exists my perfect soul mate, but looking for her is much more difficult than just… — Shubham Joshi Copy Share Image
“Hopefully he'll forget about his little vendetta against you.' 'Do most men forget when a woman holds a knife to their balls?” — Rebecca Yarros Copy Share Image
