Funny Quotes · Page 177

My penis wants to slam dance at your vagina concert.

— Green Monk

Men can cry because they don't wear mascara

— Charles Elba

The more you know, the less you carry

— Mors Kochanski

If you've never seen Mean Girls, you're SO unfetch.

— Anonymous

If things are getting darker, the problem is with us.

— Henry Blackaby

My favorite review described me as the cinematic equ

— Steve Buscemi

I think serial monogamy says it all.

— Tracey Ullman

To change with change is the changeless state

— Bruce Lee

“All I have is me, myself and I and we are all getting really tired of each other.”

— Carl White

“Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.”

— Delian Zahariev

There are only two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead!

— Anonymous

You'll never learn how to do your endings until you FINISH your endings.

— Brandon Sanderson

You win some, you lose some, and you keep it to yourself.

— Mike Caro

For those who know nothing about how to satisfy a woman: The G spot is located at the end of the word…

— Amit Verma

Knowledge gained through experience is far superior and many times more useful than bookish knowledge.

— Mahatma Gandhi

We serve a God who is waiting to hear from you, and He can't wait to respond.

— Priscilla Shirer

Verily I say unto you, he that heareth my word and believeth on Him that sent me, hath everlasting life, and shall…

— Dwight L. Moody

When voting for the Pope, it's top secret. No one is to reveal who they voted for. If they do, it's considered…

— Laura S

When a puppy takes fifty catnaps in the course of the day, he cannot always be expected to sleep the night through.

— Albert Payson Terhune

I can find the worst thing in the world funny. My humour is dark. If I'm talking about the worst situations in…

— Slowthai

It's funny; I think I'm at a level of recognizability - is that even a word? - where it's just really nice.…

— Zach Woods

“Jackson asked, "Where'd the water come from in your house?" "A pipe." Then he explained to Jackson, "Water travels in pipes.”

— Kresley Cole

“I glared at him. “You didn't leave me alone for five minutes, you left me alone for a week. I could have…

— Gillibran Brown

“Classy.' Mara shines the flashlight on my chest as she climbs into the beached boat and sits across from me. 'It was…

— Jeri Smith-Ready

All things are possible, only believe.

— Smith Wigglesworth

A perfectionist has to take his time,

— Michael Jackson

Good friends dont let you do stupid things alone!

— Anonymous

There is no part of me that is not of the Gods.

— Aleister Crowley

Nature is accustomed to hide itself.

— Heraclitus

I be on that money shit , you be on that funny shit.

— Meek Mill

Canada is free and freedom is its nationality,

— Wilfrid Laurier

Words are the supreme objects. They are minded things.

— William H. Gass

You look like a horse in a man costume

— Dylan Moran

The other day I ... no wait, that wasn't me.

— Steven Wright

Education can change the scope of an entire family

— Nitin Nohria

All work is an act of philosophy.

— Ayn Rand

There is more in you than you think.

— Kurt Hahn

I tend to play sort of douchey.

— Nick Kroll

Do they give Pulitzers for tweets yet?

— Natasha Leggero

Training is principally an act of faith.

— Franz Stampfl