“It's not as if I don't know how to handle the truck now. A license is just a piece of paper” — Terry Lynn Johnson Copy Share Image
Mom, I have good news! 'You got a 100 in your math test?!' Mom, I said good news, not a miracle. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
We got new advice as to what motivated man to walk upright: to free his hands for masturbation. — Jane Wagner Copy Share Image
My Irish mate told me, if you file down the edges of a 50 pence piece, you can use it as a 10p. — Frank Carson Copy Share Image
So I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. — Tim Vine Copy Share Image
“Fenchurch had red mullet and said it was delicious. Arthur had a swordfish steak and said it made him angry. He grabbed… — Douglas Adams Copy Share Image
I tend to play characters that I can infuse with certain kinds of humour. Even the baddest guy can be funny in… — Samuel L. Jackson Copy Share Image
“OK, so … hugging. How does that go? You sort of … stretch your arms out …” He does so too robotically,… — Charlotte Stein Copy Share Image
After 70, a woman is like Tibet: Beautiful, with a mysterious past andthe wisdom of the ages. An adventurous spirit and a… — Nikhil Saluja Copy Share Image
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure… — Elayne Boosler Copy Share Image
It looked as if a night of dark intent Was coming, and not only a night, an age. Someone had better be… — Robert Frost Copy Share Image
I know I deal with it, I'm sure a lot of other people deal with it: you have that little funny dig… — Kirsten Powers Copy Share Image
“When someone gives you advice, just ask them to give it in writing and they will either keep mum or will run… — Amit Kalantri Copy Share Image
