Baby Quote by Steven Wright Download Open image “I took a baby shower.” — Steven Wright ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ 3.8 out of 5 (6 ratings) Copy quoteShare Baby Baby Shower Funny Humor Showers
Thanks for inviting me to your baby shower, it reminded me to take my birth control pill. — Anonymous Copy Share Image
Home alone with a wakeful newborn, I could shower so quickly that the mirror didn't fog and the backs of my knees stayed dry.… — Marni Jackson Copy Share Image
I had several moms who knew and didn't bring gifts for the baby and instead brought me food, candles, journals - the women who… — June Diane Raphael Copy Share Image
Right at the peak of my - I went on the Hammer tour and found out I was 6 weeks pregnant, and we had… — Michel'le Copy Share Image
As a kid, I didn't have a shower at home, and I was used to taking bucket baths, so I went back to that… — Rupali Ganguly Copy Share Image
All of a sudden I had a baby, because it went really quick. It was like, 'Oh! I have a baby!' So, it's great.… — Catherine Zeta-Jones Copy Share Image
I'm pretty low-maintenance, but I like my time to myself, and once you have a child, you have to fight for it. I remember… — Gretchen Mol Copy Share Image
I was actually born in the front bedroom while my dad sat on the wall outside, feeling sick. Twenty minutes after my mother gave… — Jeremy Kyle Copy Share Image
I became hysterical and frightened and begged for sedation. And that was just the first prenatal visit. — Erma Bombeck Copy Share Image
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while waiting in the lobby. Sometimes she… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked,… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Nobody can really compare a relationship in which the victim is 15 years old to one where she's 6. While both criminal, they're very different circumstances. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
It's very intense to be in front of a live audience. It's just an amazing experience. It's dangerous. Everything out there is heightened. The… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, 'do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?'. So I… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
Babies don't need a vacation, but I still see them at the beach... it pisses me off! I'll go over to a little baby… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
“I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.” — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say… — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them. — Steven Wright Copy Share Image
I would have done well as a gypsy child, I think. A circus baby. I coulda played a great street urchin or ragamuffin. Or… — Natasha Lyonne Copy Share Image
I didn't expect to be so comfortable handing my child off to a nanny without getting any of her information. As soon as she… — Ali Wong Copy Share Image
Parents who are stressed or disturbed will have more difficulty in meeting their children's needs. Parents who have little support--from friends, relatives, neighbors, or… — Sheila Kamerman Copy Share Image
Shhh.” He put a finger to her lips. “Hear me out. I cannot deny that I would've liked to have made babies with you.… — Elizabeth Hoyt Copy Share Image
Baby, I love you. We argue about the stupidest shit then we turn around and laugh about it. I'm obsessed with you and you're… — Lindsay Copy Share Image
My dad's Israeli. He was born in Baghdad to Iraqi Jews. Then, at age two, his parents wanted to move to their homeland and… — Elliott Yamin Copy Share Image
I always wondered why babies spend so much time sucking their thumbs. Then I tasted baby food. — Robert Orben Copy Share Image
Getting a burp out of your little thing when she needs it is probably the greatest satisfaction I've come across at this point in… — Brad Pitt Copy Share Image
A new study reveals that one-third of babies in the U.S. have used a smartphone. Yeah, and one-third of babies in China have MADE… — Conan O'Brien Copy Share Image
