Humor Quote by Lesley Kagen

“I have a favorite cemetery I go to, because it’s really clean and the doctors and nurses are all very nice.”

— Jarod Kintz

“You should always go to other people funerals, or they wont go to yours.”

— George Herman Ruth

“In a sense you could say I’ve already been to my own funeral.”

— Catherine McKenzie

“A guy I grew up with recently died. I attended his funeral, but only because I thought there’d be free food afterwards. I brought…

— Jarod Kintz

“Well, enlighten me, please.” She looked up and scratched her head. “In the event of something unfortunate happening to you, who would you like…

— Whitney G

“What's even more messed up than funerals, is the way people treat you after the funeral. Like you're diseased or something.”

— Denise Jaden

“It looks like a funeral parlour in here. Am I dead?”

— Jackie Williams

“I’d been to more funerals than I cared to count, and eaten so many ham and butter sandwiches I could practically taste the flour-dusted…

— Mindy Mejia

“There, just beyond his open palm, was our mother’s face. I wasn’t expecting it. We hadn’t requested a viewing, and the memorial service was…

— Mary Roach

“Don't you just hate it when you go to a friend's funeral and you get kidnapped?”

— James Patterson

“a funeral reminds you to be alive, doesn’t it? It slaps you across the face and points out that there’s still warm blood doing…

— Lydia Kang

“A funeral home is like a grocery store of death. Are there any discounts in the meat department?”

— Jarod Kintz