Bags Quote by Joan Rivers

I caught my wife in bed with my best friend the other day. I was crushed. They could have waited till I'd got out.

— Emo Philips

Broke my femur on a cruise with my wife in Italy. I'd walked back to my cabin after dinner with half a plate of…

— Art Donovan

I needed a vacation. I needed 5 women. I needed to get the wax out of my ears. My car needed an oil change.…

— Charles Bukowski

My total sellout to LSD, marijuana, and hashish, and to sex with virtually any attractive man, landed me in the hospital for four months.…

— Susan Atkins

I had to jump on the tractor and do my chores. I would have just killed to be in town, to be able to…

— Garrett Hedlund

Was riding on my horse and my foot got stuck so the cashier person had to come and unplug it and my horse died…

— Anonymous

I was doing everything I could think of to protect my husband and keep him alive.

— Nancy Reagan

I was in the hospital after being in a jet skiing accident... the boat ran over me and I nearly died..thank the LORD!! :)

— Caitlin

I was in a lake in 'Love Actually', and I was attacked by some hideous aquatic beast and was rushed to the hospital by…

— Colin Firth

First I took a crap on the hooker's chest, then I told her I'd pay her a thousand dollars to eat it. She was…

— Zach Braff

His finger flicked open a button on my cardigan-then two, three, four. It tumbled off my shoulders, leaving me in my camisole. He pushed…

— Becca Fitzpatrick

When my dog Buster died, I couldn't get over it. I was in bits.

— Paul O'Grady