Bird Quote by Demetri Martin

“Sometimes I see a bird fly by and I feel jealous. But then other times I see a bird fly into a closed window and I feel laughing.”

Demetri Martin

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Bird Black humor Feels Jealous Jealousy Laughing Sometimes Window

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I think hair gel was invented to make it easier to identify assholes from a distance.

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Tic Tacs are the maracas of breath mints.

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When someone describes themself as a taxpayer, they're about to be an asshole.

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I think they named the orange before the carrot.

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I like to go to concerts because I love to see my favorite band through the phone of the asshole who's standing in front…

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How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

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Skiing is my favorite sport, because, that's the only sport that is actually better to watch the worst the person is at it. "That…

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I know about Woodstock probably as much as your average person who is over 30, where I'd know Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, Grateful Dead.

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Never be less interesting than your refrigerator magnets.

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I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

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A Wednesday with no rain is a dry hump day.

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THING TO TRY: If you are asked to describe a suspect to a police sketch artist, describe in precise detail, the features of the…

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A clock struck out the hour of twelve, and the bird in the hedgerow was still singing as we marched out to the roadway,…

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Every wife ought to answer for her man. If the husband be engaged in a seditious club, or drinks mysterious healths, or be frugal…

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Meanwhile, the trees were just as green as before; the birds sang and the sun shone as clearly now as ever. The familiar surroundings…

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The bird with the thorn in its breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven by it knows not what to impale itself,…

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Bird Quote by Demetri Martin

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