« All Thinking Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Best Thinking Quotations by Jack Handey
- I think my favorite monster movie is "Gone With the Wind", because it has that ear monster and that big-dress monster.
- If you go to a costume party at your boss's house, wouldn't you think a good costume would be to dress up like the boss's…
- I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could…
- If I was a cowboy in a lynch mob, I think I'd try to stay near the back. That way, if somebody shamed us into…
- The next time I have meat and mashed potatoes, I think I'll put a very large blob of potatoes on my plate with just a…
- Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were…
- I think a good product would be "Baby Duck Hat". It's a fake baby duck, which you strap on top of your head. Then you…
- Many people think that history is a dull subject. Dull? Is it "dull" that Jesse James once got bitten on the forehead by an ant,…
- The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old…
- I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
- I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk…
- If they have moving sidewalks in the future, when you get on them, I think you should have to assume sort of a walking shape…
- Whenever I hear the sparrow chirping, watch the woodpecker chirp, catch a chirping trout, or listen to the sad howl of the chirp rat, I…
- It's fascinating to think that all around us there's an invisible world we can't even see. I'm speaking, of course, of the World of the…
- I think the monkeys at the zoo should have to wear sunglasses so they can't hypnotize you.
- When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs…
- If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking,…
- Any man, in the right situation, is capable of murder. But not any man is capable of being a good camper. So, murder and camping…
- I hate it when people say somebody has a "speech impediment", even if he does, because it could hurt his feelings. So instead, I call…
- I think there should be something in science called the "reindeer effect." I don't know what it would be, but I think it'd be good…
- If I had a mine shaft, I don't think I would just abandon it. There's got to be a better way.
- If there was a terrible storm outside, but somehow this dog lived through the storm, and he showed up at your door when the storm…
- Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.
- I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.
- If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
More Ways to Read Thinking Quotes by Jack Handey
- Best Thinking Quotes by Jack Handey (Thinking Quotes by Jack Handey)
- Best Thinking Sayings by Jack Handey (Thinking Quotes by Jack Handey)
- Best Thinking Words by Jack Handey (Thinking Quotes by Jack Handey)
More Thinking Quotes
- I don't think about my previous success. I'm happy that the work I've done has been very successful. — Aaliyah
- There are no dangerous thoughts; thinking itself is dangerous. — Hannah Arendt
- Under conditions of tyranny it is far easier to act than to think. — Hannah Arendt
- Having been a child actor, I remember how directors would trick me to get good performances out of me. I don't think… — Asia Argento
- I do think the heart can balance out the mind, if your heart is in a good place it can give you… — Alexis Arguello
- You can never guess or assume what anyone is going to think. — J. J. Abrams
- As we all know, many people remain buried under tons of rubble and debris, waiting to be rescued. When we think of… — Jean-Bertrand Aristide
- I don't think I have a signature. — J. J. Abrams
- It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. — Aristotle
- The soul never thinks without a picture. — Aristotle
- I love working with the right actor, and if the right actor happens to be unknown, that should be allowed, too, I… — J. J. Abrams
- I think you have a passion and an obsession for something when it's not necessarily ubiquitous. — J. J. Abrams