Stupid Quotes

4236 Stupid quotes by 2389 unique authors

Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live… — George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. — George Carlin
No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it. — George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. — George Carlin
The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you… — George Carlin
The future will soon be a thing of the past. — George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey. — George Carlin
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major… — George Carlin
And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National — George Carlin
Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that the lawyer always smiles more than the client? — George Carlin
Just think, right now as you read this, some guy somewhere is gettin' ready to hang himself. — George Carlin
If all our national holidays were observed on Wednesdays, we could wind up with nine-day weekends. — George Carlin
"No comment" is a comment. — George Carlin
Most of the time people feel okay. Probably it's because at the moment they're not actually dying. — George Carlin
So far, this is the oldest I've been. — George Carlin
Do you think Sammy Davis ate Junior Mints? — George Carlin
When you think about it, attention-deficit order makes a lot of sense. In this country there isn't a lot worth paying attention to. — George Carlin
The Golden Gate Bridge should have a long bungee cord for people who aren't quite ready to commit suicide but want to get in a… — George Carlin
If the cops didn't see it, I didn't do it! — George Carlin

Who Wrote These Stupid Quotes

2,389 authors contributed a total of 4,236 Stupid Quotes, led by these top contributors: