Stupid Quotes

4236 Stupid quotes by 2389 unique authors

Soft rock music isn't rock, and it ain't music. It's just soft. Reminds me of something my third-grade teacher said to us. She said, "You… — George Carlin
As soon as someone is identified as an unsung hero, he no longer is. — George Carlin
If a movie is described as a romantic comedy, you can usually find me next door playing pinball. — George Carlin
If you've got a cat and a leg, you've got a happy cat. If you've got a cat and two legs, you've got a party. — George Carlin
I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions. — George Carlin
Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it. — George Carlin
I never joined the Boy Scouts. I don't trust any organization that has a handbook. — George Carlin
Beethoven was so hard of hearing, he thought he was a painter. — George Carlin
Don Ho can sign autographs 3.4 times faster than Efrem Zimbalist Jr. — George Carlin
God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile. — George Carlin
I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade. — George Carlin
One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you're too tired. — George Carlin
If Helen Keller had psychic ability, would you say she had a fourth sense? What year did Jesus think it was? — George Carlin
Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. — George Carlin
In America, anyone can become president. That's the problem. — George Carlin
Once you leave the womb, conservatives don't care about you until you reach military age. Then you're just what they're looking for. Conservatives want live… — George Carlin
One thing leads to another? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict. — George Carlin
No one who has had "Taps" played for them has ever been able to hear it. — George Carlin
Property is theft. Nobody "owns" anything. When you die, it all stays here. — George Carlin
The best thing about living at the water's edge: You only have assholes on three sides of you, and if they come this way you… — George Carlin
The future will soon be a thing of the past. — George Carlin
Boxing is a more sophisticated form of hockey. — George Carlin
Bowling is not a sport because you have to rent the shoes. When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops? This title offends all three major… — George Carlin
And now, in the interest of equal time, here is a message from the National — George Carlin
Whoever coined the term "Buyer Beware" was probably bleeding from the asshole. — George Carlin

Who Wrote These Stupid Quotes

2,389 authors contributed a total of 4,236 Stupid Quotes, led by these top contributors: