« All Probably Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Best Probably Quotes by Jack Handey
- Probably to a shark, about the funniest thing there is is a wounded seal, trying to swim to shore, because WHERE DOES HE THINK HE'S…
- I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little…
- I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could…
- At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays.…
- I have to laugh when I think of the first cigar, because it was probably just a bunch of rolled-up tobacco leaves.
- If Alien was my friend, I'd like to be with him when he went to the dentist. When they started drilling, he'd probably go nuts…
- Why do people in ship mutinies always ask for "better treatment"? I'd ask for a pinball machine, because with all that rocking back and forth…
- One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick.…
- Instead of burning a guy at the stake, what about burning him at the STILTS It probably lasts longer, plus it moves around.
More Probably Quotes
- My illness has taught me something about the nature of humanity, love, brotherhood and relationships that I never understood, and probably never… — Lee Atwater
- If I were going to convert to any religion I would probably choose Catholicism because it at least has female saints and… — Margaret Atwood
- I've never understood why people consider youth a time of freedom and joy. It's probably because they have forgotten their own. — Margaret Atwood
- Speculative fiction encompasses that which we could actually do. Sci-fi is that which we're probably not going to see. — Margaret Atwood
- Changing your mind is probably one of the most beautiful things people can do. And I've changed my mind about a lot… — Paul Auster
- Every generation always thinks it was better before, and I think people have been saying this for probably thousands of years. — Paul Auster
- I don't read my own reviews and I haven't for probably 15 years. I read other people's reviews, though. — Kevin Bacon
- I probably never would have been hired on Broadway had I not moved out to L.A. and pursued acting and film, which… — Amy Adams
- Few expected very much of Franklin Roosevelt on Inauguration Day in 1933. Like Barack Obama seventy-six years later, he was succeeding a… — Russell Baker
- I saw some musicals at dinner theaters where I grew up. But I didn't go to a big theater to see one… — Amy Adams
- In high school, I was so painfully self-aware that how I thought of myself was probably very different from what other people… — Amy Adams
- I'd do anything to have more kids. But that's probably not gonna happen now. — Alec Baldwin