« All Probably Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Probably Quotes by Jack Handey
- I bet a fun thing would be to go way back in time to where there was going to be an eclipse and tell the…
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why…
- I think a good gift for the President would be a chocolate revolver. And since he is so busy, you'd probably have to run up…
- If you work on a lobster boat, sneaking up behind someone and pinching him is probably a joke that gets old real fast.
- When the age of the Vikings came to a close, they must have sensed it. Probably, the gathered together one evening, slapped each other on…
- If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some…
- If you're an ant, and you're walking along across the top of a cup of pudding, you probably have no idea that the only thing…
- Just because swans mate for life, I don't think its that big a deal. First of all, if you're a swan, you're probably not going…
- If you go flying back through time, and you see somebody else flying forward into the future, it's probably best to avoid eye contact.
- Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside,…
- If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.
- It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto…
- It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny…
- Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one.
- I think there probably should be a rule that if you're talking about how many loaves of bread a bullet will go through, it's understood…
- If you ever teach a yodeling class, probably the hardest thing is to keep the students from just trying to yodel right off. You see,…
- You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just…
- Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.
- When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
- During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
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- You can choose, you can go one of two ways. You can be the person I probably admire more and say 'well… — Joanne Kathleen Rowling
- I had a great tennis career. I have no regrets. But to find peace with yourself, and to finally be with your… — Bjorn Borg