"Too bad there's not such a thing as……" — Jack Handey
"Too bad there's not such a thing as a GOLDEN skunk, because you'd probably be PROUD to be sprayed by one."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
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More Bad Quotes
This quote is filed under Bad Quotes,
one of 14,431 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I went through a phase where I thought nostalgia was a bad thing.
— Dario Argento
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Characteristics of a popular politician: a horrible voice, bad breeding, and a vulgar manner.
— Aristophanes
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Bad men are full of repentance.
— Aristotle
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It is the role of good journalism to take on powerful abusers, and when powerful abusers are taken on, there's…
— Julian Assange
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Bad things are not the worst things that can happen to us. Nothing is the worst thing that can happen…
— Richard Bach
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I would not suggest the U.S. should sit down with the North Koreans bilaterally immediately after they've fired missiles -…
— Richard Armitage
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There are some forms of religion that are bad, just as there's bad cooking or bad art or bad sex,…
— Karen Armstrong
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If my forgeries looked as bad as the CBS documents, it would have been 'Catch Me In Two Days'.
— Frank Abagnale
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People that go through what I went through and people going through divorce, it's really a difficulty process; it's heartbreaking…
— David Arquette
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If I were to say, 'God, why me?' about the bad things, then I should have said, 'God, why me?'…
— Arthur Ashe
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From my close observation of writers... they fall into two groups: 1) those who bleed copiously and visibly at any…
— Isaac Asimov
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The problem with leaderless uprisings taking over is that you don't always know what you get at the other end.…
— Chinua Achebe
See all 14,431 Bad Quotes »