"Basically, there are three ways the skunk and……" — Jack Handey
"Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The second is we both get hit by cars a lot. The third is stripes."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Alike Quotes
This quote is filed under Alike Quotes,
one of 898 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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If liberty and equality, as is thought by some, are chiefly to be found in democracy, they will be best…
— Aristotle
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Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in excellence; for these wish well alike to…
— Aristotle
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Tourism is a crucial industry that could employ millions of Filipinos, skilled and unskilled alike, cross those 7,107 islands of…
— Benigno Aquino III
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You know, men and women are a lot alike in certain situations. Like when they're both on fire - they're…
— Dave Attell
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We exaggerate misfortune and happiness alike. We are never as bad off or as happy as we say we are.
— Honore de Balzac
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It is little men know of women; their smiles and their tears alike are seldom what they seem.
— Amelia Barr
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My point is that perceptual bias can affect nut jobs and scientists alike. If we hold too rigidly to what…
— Martha Beck
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Destiny waits alike for the free man as well as for him enslaved by another's might.
— Aeschylus
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Risk is a part of God's game, alike for men and nations.
— Warren Buffett
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Well in the book Carrie was my alter ego. In real life, Sarah Jessica and I don't look anything alike.…
— Candace Bushnell
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All great artists draw from the same resource: the human heart, which tells us that we are all more alike…
— Maya Angelou
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We can learn to see each other and see ourselves in each other and recognize that human beings are more…
— Maya Angelou
See all 898 Alike Quotes »