"You know what's probably a good thing to……" — Jack Handey
"You know what's probably a good thing to hang on your porch in the summertime, to keep mosquitoes away from you and your guests? Just a big bag of blood."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Bag Quotes
This quote is filed under Bag Quotes,
one of 757 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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I start from scratch with each movie; I wipe the slate and I certainly don't rely on some bag of…
— Christian Bale
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I eat cheese and salami and a lot of fried chicken. I eat a big bag of oatmeal-raisin cookies every…
— Ellen Barkin
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I don't know what that gas is made of, but it can't smell any worse than Ernie Johnson 's gym…
— Charles Barkley
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'Escargot' is French for 'fat crawling bag of phlegm'.
— Dave Barry
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To the eyes of a miser a guinea is more beautiful than the sun, and a bag worn with the…
— William Blake
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If you go out on the Appalachian Trail, you have to bring so much more equipment - a tent, sleeping…
— Bill Bryson
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In my third husband I had discovered a blissfully laid-back type who thought it nothing less than hilarious when I…
— Julie Burchill
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Remember, you must not sleep at the Seder. If you do, Elijah the Prophet will come with a bag on…
— Sholom Aleichem
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Radio is a bag of mediocrity where little men with carbon minds wallow in sluice of their own making.
— Fred Allen
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Sci-fi has never really been my bag. But I do believe in a lot of weird things these days, such…
— John Cleese
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The base paths belonged to me, the runner. The rules gave me the right. I always went into a bag…
— Ty Cobb
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All the characters in my films are fighting these problems, needing freedom, trying to find a way to cut themselves…
— Michelangelo Antonioni
See all 757 Bag Quotes »