"It is better that I drink this beer……" — Jack Handey
"It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
—
Jack Handey
★
★
★
★
★
0.0 avg (0 ratings)
397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
-
If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
-
I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
-
People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
-
The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
-
I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
-
If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
-
Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
-
What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
-
Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
-
Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
-
MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
-
I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Alcohol Quotes
This quote is filed under Alcohol Quotes,
one of 1,156 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
-
It is best to rise from life as from a banquet, neither thirsty nor drunken.
— Aristotle
-
On average, drug prisoners spend more time in federal prison than rapists, who often get out on early release because…
— Michael Badnarik
-
Drug prohibition has caused gang warfare and other violent crimes by raising the prices of drugs so much that vicious…
— Michael Badnarik
-
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to…
— Dave Barry
-
According to Teenage Research Unlimited, 51 percent of 13-15 year olds say they will be faced with making a decision…
— Xavier Becerra
-
I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger,…
— Brendan Behan
-
Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.
— Robert Benchley
-
I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.
— George Best
-
Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
— Ambrose Bierce
-
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
— Humphrey Bogart
-
Never accept a drink from a urologist.
— Erma Bombeck
-
Wine is a treacherous friend who you must always be on guard for.
— Christian Nestell Bovee
See all 1,156 Alcohol Quotes »