« All One Quotes · Jack Handey's Page
Best One Quotes by Jack Handey
- If you had a school for professional fireworks people, I don't think you could cover fuses in just one class. It's just too rich a…
- I think a good scene in a movie would be where one scientist tells another scientist, "You know what will save the world? You're holding…
- People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is,…
- Whenever anyone says "I can't," it makes me wish he'd get stung to death by about ten thousand bees. When he says "I'll try," five…
- During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not putting on your armor because you were "just going down to the corner."
- I'm just guessing, but probably one of the early signs that your radarscope is wearing out is something I call "image fuzz-out." But I've never…
- Of all the warning sounds that animals make, I think the one that's the least effective on me is a kind of clicking noise.
- Why is it that we will laugh at a man in a clown outfit, but we won't laugh at a man just walking down the…
- The big, huge meteor headed toward the Earth. Could nothing stop it? Maybe Bob could. He was suddenly on top of the meteor-through some kind…
- Isn't it funny how one minute life can be such a struggle, and the next minute you're just driving real fast, swerving back and forth…
- I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.
- I think one way police departments could make some money would be to hold a yard sale of murder weapons. Many people, for example, could…
- Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull…
- The people in the village were real poor, so none of the children had any toys. But this one little boy had gotten an old…
- It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny…
- When the chairman introduced the guest speaker as a former illegal alien, I got up from my chair and yelled, "What's the matter, no jobs…
- If you go to a party, and you want to be the popular one at the party, do this: Wait until no one is looking,…
- Of all the tall tales, I think my favorite is the one about Eli Whitney and the interchangeable parts.
- If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.
- When I think back on all the blessings I have been given in my life, I can't think of a single one, unless you count…
- I think one reason I could be a good playboy is I would be willing to spend the time required to really fix up my…
- One question that's never been answered to my satisfaction by the "Playboy Advisor" is "What kind of stereo system works best in hell?"
- One thing that makes me believe in UFOs is, sometimes I lose stuff.
- If you want to be the popular one at a party, here's a good thing to do: Go up to some people who are talking…
- One day my friend called and said, "I FOUND JESUS!" and my response was "Great we are going to be rich." But it turned out…
More Ways to Read One Quotes by Jack Handey
More One Quotes
- In order to go on living one must try to escape the death involved in perfectionism. — Hannah Arendt
- Power and violence are opposites; where the one rules absolutely, the other is absent. Violence appears where power is in jeopardy, but… — Hannah Arendt
- Poets are the only people to whom love is not only a crucial, but an indispensable experience, which entitles them to mistake… — Hannah Arendt
- Economic growth may one day turn out to be a curse rather than a good, and under no conditions can it either… — Hannah Arendt
- To be free in an age like ours, one must be in a position of authority. That in itself would be enough… — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The defiance of established authority, religious and secular, social and political, as a world-wide phenomenon may well one day be accounted the… — Hannah Arendt
- Where all are guilty, no one is; confessions of collective guilt are the best possible safeguard against the discovery of culprits, and… — Hannah Arendt
- I find that it's hard to fully examine one's life and not have faith be part of the discussion. — J. J. Abrams
- The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control, and outnumbers both of the other classes. — Aristotle
- All human actions have one or more of these seven causes: chance, nature, compulsions, habit, reason, passion, desire. — Aristotle
- Jealousy is both reasonable and belongs to reasonable men, while envy is base and belongs to the base, for the one makes… — Aristotle