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Most Quotes by Jack Handey
- My young son asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our…
- Marta was watching the football game with me when she said, "You know, most of these sports are based on the idea of one group…
- Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's…
- If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flipper, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flipper, wouldn't you? You'd be…
- Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make…
- One thing a computer can do that most humans can't is be sealed up in a cardboard box and sit in a warehouse.
- Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside,…
- You know what would be the most terrifying thing that could ever happen to a flea? Getting caught inside a watch somehow. You don't even…
- People laugh when I say that I think a jellyfish is one of the most beautiful things in the world. What they don't understand is,…
- When you first start wearing a turban, probably the most common mistake is wrapping it too tight. You have to allow the head to breathe.
- I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little…
- If you want to be the most popular person in your class, whenever the professor pauses in his lecture, just let out a big snort…
- It's amazing to me that one of the world's most feared diseases would be carried by one of the world's smallest animals: the real tiny…
- If you lived in the Dark Ages, and you were a catapult operator, I bet the most common question people would ask is, "Can't you…
More Most Quotes
- The sad truth is that most evil is done by people who never make up their minds to be good or evil. — Hannah Arendt
- The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. — Hannah Arendt
- No cause is left but the most ancient of all, the one, in fact, that from the beginning of our history has… — Hannah Arendt
- The most perfect political community is one in which the middle class is in control, and outnumbers both of the other classes. — Aristotle
- Character may almost be called the most effective means of persuasion. — Aristotle
- The greatest virtues are those which are most useful to other persons. — Aristotle
- Of all the varieties of virtues, liberalism is the most beloved. — Aristotle
- For as the eyes of bats are to the blaze of day, so is the reason in our soul to the things… — Aristotle
- Most people would rather give than get affection. — Aristotle
- What the statesman is most anxious to produce is a certain moral character in his fellow citizens, namely a disposition to virtue… — Aristotle
- My mother is the coolest, most amazing person I know. — J. J. Abrams
- The most deeply personal of my works are the non-fiction works, the autobiographical works, because there, I'm talking about myself very directly. — Paul Auster