"If you saw two guys named Hambone and……" — Jack Handey
"If you saw two guys named Hambone and Flipper, which one would you think liked dolphins the most? I'd say Flipper, wouldn't you? You'd be wrong, though. It's Hambone."
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Jack Handey
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397 Quotes by Jack Handey
Jack Handey has 397 quotes on this site.
A few more worth reading:
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If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have…
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I hope that after I die, people will say of me: 'That guy sure owed me a lot of money.'
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People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side,…
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The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.
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I guess of all my uncles, I liked Uncle Caveman the best. We called him Uncle Caveman because he lived…
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If I could be a bird, I'd be a Flying Purple People Eater, because then people would sing about me…
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's…
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What is it about a beautiful sunny afternoon, with the birds singing and the wind rustling through the leaves, that…
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Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
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Somebody told me it was frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but I told that story around…
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MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the…
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I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy…
See all 397 quotes by Jack Handey »
More Deep Thought Quotes
This quote is filed under Deep Thought Quotes,
one of 444 quotes in that category. Here are a few more:
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The worst form of inequality is to try to make unequal things equal.
— Aristotle
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Those that know, do. Those that understand, teach.
— Aristotle
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What it lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do.
— Aristotle
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To achieve great things, two things are needed; a plan, and not quite enough time.
— Leonard Bernstein
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Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
— James Bovard
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Humor is just another defense against the universe.
— Mel Brooks
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When you reach for the stars you may not quite get one, but you won't come up with a handful…
— Leo Burnett
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No pressure, no diamonds.
— Thomas Carlyle
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In the uttermost meaning of the words, thought is devout, and devotion is thought. Deep calls unto deep.
— Ralph Waldo Emerson
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I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
— Bruce Lee
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I never could do anything with figures, never had any talent for mathematics, never accomplished anything in my efforts at…
— Mark Twain
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The chief distinction in the intellectual powers of the two sexes is shown by mans attaining to a higher eminence,…
— Charles Darwin
See all 444 Deep Thought Quotes »