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Kids Quotes by Jack Handey
- MEMORIES OF MY FAMILY MEETINGS still are a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all get into the car - I forget what…
- I BET WHEN NEANDERTHAL KIDS would make a snowman, someone would always end up saying, "Don't forget the thick heavy brows." Then they would get…
- If you ever have to steal money from your kid, and later on he discovers it's gone, I think a good thing to do is…
- If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying'. And if he asks why…
- Children need encouragement. If a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess. That way he develops a good, lucky feeling.
- When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a…
- One thing kids like is to be tricked. For instance, I was going to take my little nephew to Disneyland, but instead I drove him…
- I think the best Thanksgiving we ever had was one where we didn't even have a turkey. Mom and Dad sat us kids down and…
- If your kid makes one of those little homemade guitars out of a cigar box and rubber bands, don't let him just play it once…
- Instead of putting a quarter under a kid's pillow, how about a pinecone? That way, he learns that "wishing" isn't going to save out national…
- I remember how the other kids used to say that old Mister Swenson was the meanest man in town. But I said I thought he…
- It's not good to let any kid near a container that has a skull and crossbones on it, because there might be a skeleton costume…
- Too bad when I was a kid there wasn't a guy in our class that everybody called the "Cricket Boy", because I would have liked…
- One day I saw a big kid beating up a little kid. I went over to the little kid and gave him a swift kick.…
- I love going down to the elementary school, watching all the kids jump and shout, but they don't know I'm using blanks.
- If a kid ever asks you how Santa Claus can live forever, I think a good answer is that he drinks blood.
More Kids Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- When I was a kid, it was a huge insult to be a geek. Now it's a point of pride in a… — J. J. Abrams
- As a kid, 'Star Wars' was much more my thing than 'Star Trek' was. — J. J. Abrams
- I'm a father. It isn't just my life any more. I don't want my kid finding bottles in the house or seeing… — Billie Joe Armstrong
- I think when you're 10 years old, it's too much to see something with the threat of death in every episode. Kids… — J. J. Abrams
- The thing is, acoustic could be like a four-letter word to a lot of kids. — Billie Joe Armstrong
- Making movies was more a reaction to not being chosen for sports. Other kids were out there playing at whatever; I was… — J. J. Abrams
- When I was a kid, among the other embarrassing things I would do, and there's a list of stupid things, but I… — J. J. Abrams
- When I was a little kid - and even still - I loved magic tricks. When I saw how movies got made… — J. J. Abrams
- I joined the swim team when I was 12, and I was the worst kid in the pool - I was put… — Lance Armstrong
- I'm sure most of us remember being a kid and you have all of this endless time where two weeks before Christmas… — Andrea Arnold
- The hardest job kids face today is learning good manners without seeing any. — Fred Astaire