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Hit Quotes by Jack Handey
- If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I'd carry a soldering iron. That was if some…
- I'd like to see a nude opera, because when they hit those really high notes, I bet you can really see it in those genitals.
- I think a good movie would be about a guy who's a brain scientist, but he gets hit on the head and it damages the…
- Eventually, I believe, everything evens out. Long ago an asteroid hit our planet and killed our dinosaurs. But in the future, maybe we'll go to…
- It's interesting to think that my ancestors used to live in the trees, like apes, until finally they got the nerve to head out onto…
- I don't think I'm ever more "aware" than I am right after I hit my thumb with a hammer.
- I bet a funny thing about driving a car off a cliff is, while you're in midair, you still hit those brakes! Hey, better try…
- Basically, there are three ways the skunk and I are a lot alike. The first is, we both like to spread our "stink" around. The…
- I can see why it would be prohibited to throw most things off the top of the Empire State Building, but what's wrong with little…
- Life, to me, is like a quiet forest pool, one that needs a direct hit from a big rock half-buried in the ground. You pull…
- I'd like to be buried Indian-style, where they put you up on a high rack, above the ground. That way, you could get hit by…
- To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
More Hit Quotes
- I'm hoping someday that some kid, black or white, will hit more home runs than myself. Whoever it is, I'd be pulling… — Hank Aaron
- I believe more in precision, when you have the capability, like when you see a mosquito fly and you're able to hit… — Alexis Arguello
- I don't care who you are, you're going to choke in certain matches. You get to a point where your legs don't… — Arthur Ashe
- I would hate now to be married. It does occur to me on occasion that, if I fall and hit my head,… — Lauren Bacall
- Gun control means being able to hit your target. If I have a 'hot button' issue, this is definitely it. Don't even… — Michael Badnarik
- I try to do an hour of cardio on the days that I have off, and then I'll do 30 to 45… — Travis Barker
- Somebody hits me, I'm going to hit him back. Even if it does look like he hasn't eaten in a while. — Charles Barkley
- Experts say you should never hit your children in anger. When is a good time? When you're feeling festive? — Roseanne Barr
- Once we hit forty, women only have about four taste buds left: one for vodka, one for wine, one for cheese, and… — Gina Barreca
- All girls hit that phase where they like the bad boy. I grew out of that really young and I have a… — Kristen Bell
- The art of politics consists in knowing precisely when it is necessary to hit an opponent slightly below the belt. — Konrad Adenauer
- How can you think and hit at the same time? — Yogi Berra